she looked like she should be chained to micheal vicks radiator
so basically i'm the" little sister", he's the "big brother" and we just fucked
how do i say, "my ex is going to be at this party so don't look like shit" without sounding like a bitch?
There's 12 honey baked hams in my fridge. I vaguely recalled you organizing a "Midnight Ham Run."
He wanted a handjob during a John Wayne movie. I just couldn't find it in my heart to disrespect that man. John Wayne that is.
Apperanlty I was screaming "It's hard to swim with a broken ankle sir" and then tackled the lifeguard. The joys of blackouts
I realized it was a bad idea when I broke my collar bone
He puked, did more shots, and then pissed in a drawer. We thought it was bad enough and all of a sudden...boom-clothes come off and he passes out with slippers and a styrofoam hat on and a guitar hero guitar in hand pretending he was slash.
I vaguely remember Matt shouting something about "GET ON MY LEVEL!" at the bartender before he attempted to order a case of tequila from him.
Day drinking is so dangerous way too many construction workers out there to flirt with
And then my hands went numb and no one believed me so I started putting peoples cigarettes out on them. Shitty idea i'll tell you that much
He seduced me by making me nachos. It worked.
He asked me to come stay with him so he could "see that ass and watch Harry Potter."
I just bought sparkling water with plan B. I am the most basic bitch to ever exist.
I was left to my own devices with nothing to do but drink
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