Sorry I thought I was a lizard earlier.
So she said she wears a diaper when she's on her period and I'm not going to lie, I kind of want to see the diaper.
he was walking around the bar drinking wild turkey and gobbling simultaneously
I mean I like that it's warm enough to open the windows, but it annoys me that I can't walk around naked anymore.
Also you were throwing your phone yelling this is durable as shit
There was probably a tattoo above her soulless vagina that read 'it's a trap!' Yet you ignored it
Dude, nobody just eats a banana these days. This chick wanted it. She wanted to get down with Charlie Brown.
She proceeded to flip everyone off then open a Heineken with her teeth.
He walked in wearing nothing but a WWF belt and yelled "THE CHAMP... IS... HEEERE!!!"
She forgot a bra so she just used seran wrap. The scary thing is, it worked.
The shrooms were awesome. Everyone's bones in their face looked so beautiful! Everyone had great face structures.
I could have sworn that I went home last night... but judging from the couch I just woke up on, apparently not.
1. I drank goldschlager 2. I fell in a bathtub and hit my head (hard) on a soap dish. 2. I sat in said bathtub talking to a random stranger on vacation from wyoming (who i met at a 711 looking for taquitos) for almost an hour. 3. We got kicked out of said bathtub by owner of bathtub. 4. We had sex.
He is farting the alphabet right now. In the goddamned restaurant. You don't get to recommend men anymore. Or restaurants for that matter.
She called and said she was waiting for me naked. I got there and she was in ratty sweats, sitting in Nick's lap, with divorce papers. Needless to say my night was shitty.
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