Gettin pulled over, can you watch my dog and pay the bils for a while?
I'm at verizon, the guy asked me why my phone is full of seeds. Deff. Not leaving my phone with you anymore.
At what point in my life was I not hugged enough to be on my fourth walk of shame in half as many weeks?
I have been sober for so long that I miss hangovers... what is happening to this summer?
I think you're going to have to drive me to white haven. I don't know if my brain can handle having my mom drop me off at a strip club.
The realization of how permanent those tattoos really were set in this morning... I am SO sorry.
I'm never waking up next to someone after sex again. It's alllll downhill from there.
Actually I more feel like I'm on a ship about to grab the holy grail off an island
The ship is me being high the holy grail is some profound idea I'm about to have
I'm going back to his house to watch wreck it Ralp.
Hey, Monsters Inc. got me laid. Disney man, who knew it leads to sex.
He's the only guy without a tacky accent I've seen in this southern dump in 6 months. Bangage was inevitable.
You're such a Yankee.
I refuse to be socially acceptable any longer than what is needed to pick up chinese food.
Don't come back. They don't have pants.
Oh god.
God has nothing to do with this.
Do I masturbate or eat a pound of matazah. Alissa help what do I do??
I would cock slap so many things if I had a cock.
Mimosas make me so tired. I just ordered a huge thing of pasta and gonna eat it in my underwear like a bad bitch
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