It's what's on the inside that counts(972): They probably have big open vaginas so the inside is no good
Puking blue powerade in mcdonalds parking lot to the applause of the guy taking out the trash with man in the mirror blasting in the background. Good morning stl
She bet her virginity on the Celtics. Looks like Kobe wont be the only one breaking in a new ring.
Guess who just hooked up with the cop that fingerprinted her?
Some mysterious chinese delivery man dropped off 2 free egg rolls. Clutch
I just fucked my ex's ex's ex. Love quadrilateral complete
Yes, but if I hadn't gotten here early, I never would have seen the butch lesbian midget waddling down stairs from the bar. Worth every minute of drinking alone.
Where would I incorporate "your boyfriend fucked the shit out of me last night" before or after Merry Christmas bitch?
I think his roommates are using word magnets to tell me that they can hear us. His fridge currently says, "Chris ate out naughty girl."
You know you're a fat kid when you've spent half the day having a twitter conversation with Pizza Hut.
We were at dinner and dad asked me to pass the salt and I suddenly remembered doing body shots when I was blacked out last weekend.
I'm just so full of love and alcohol
I just woke up and there was a condom wrapper stuck in my hair. This is my life.
Didn't you sleepover at your grandparents?
You walked in with a bag of weed and asked for a watermelon. For some reason they actually gave you one, and you made it into a perfectly working bong. Two of them offered their girlfriends to you for the night.
You’d probably be happy to know that I think I’ve mastered the skill of knowing “my type” and then steering clear
FINALLY. I THOUGHT THIS DAY WOULD NEVER COME!
Randomize
