I'm cheating on the girl I'm cheating on my girlfriend with
From behind she looks like Richard Simmons
i have accomplished my summer goal of being able to relate to every taylor swift song
once he started yelling at me in latin, i wasn't sure what we were fighting about anymore...
I just snorted a line of adderall through a rolled up business card for the Michigan Law Admissions Office.... Tell me I'm not motivated
just saw an anti-abortion rally outside of the courthouse...so naturally i tossed them out a coat hanger i found in my car
Also I'm 95 percent positive we ate food naked together
But Monday we'll be living in a post-apocalyptic hellscape. Also, I'm going to a champagne tasting.
I cannot even. Taco bell reception. Beers. New friends from Georgia.
I'm starting to think that Cosmic Steve ripped me off
Fantasizing about the apocalypse is fun and shit until the conditions that could lead to one suddenly seem feasible
My roommate randomally bought me two bags of pretzels. Worst "Sorry you can hear me fucking my boyfriend everynight" gift ever.
dude. i woke up on a random lawn wearing only my boxers, with all my clothes hung in the branches of a nearby tree... no more shrooms
He passed out in my car.
What's the problem?
HE'S STILL IN MY FUCKING CAR.
There. There is gum on my butt cheek IT IS NOT MINE
Randomize
