Already got asked if we're dating
Remember that time I came into your room after taking a muscle relaxant and we argued about what state has the longest coastline?
i swear to god, this restaurant is playing a john tesh cover of a song from aladdin
I just spent the last hour spooning with my drug dealer.
I think id rather eat ped egg shavings.
He's sobering up. It was really bad for like 45 minutes. He cried while telling me how he pictured us eating hotdogs on the beach together.
HOLY SHIT HE'S TRYING TO EAT HIS FOOT. THIS IS THE BEST DAY OF MY LIFE.
Apparently, I kept going on about how i'm going to name my first born Ramen. I think this is a good parenting move.
I am going to make your legs soar from cumming so much
Like they're going to fly away?
YOU ARE OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. I AM OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. HOW IS THIS REAL.
Eating an ice cream sandwich while your little bro gets me weed. May I adopt him?
Thank god I didn't get free from the hospital restraints. I wouldent have lasted long drunk, startled and in an ass-less gown In D.C.
I need to just embrace dildos and cats and call it a life.
It's 5AM and I just stirred weed butter into ramen noodles. This is not where I expected to be at 30. ...But, hey, getting high off noodles.
you said it was a life or death situation, being your partner for beer pong doesn't count
Randomize
