if you are receiving this text, you are one of the people i hate
What time are you coming? Can you stop and get mouse traps and trojans?
You have mice?
no why?
i don't mind that he's uncut. i like it! it's like a little sweater!
a cock doensn't need a sweater! especially a skin sweater! wtf.
That's like some buffalo bill hannibal lector shit.
he kind of looks like leonardo dicaprio...in whats eating gilbert grape
wtf, did you fuck a retard?!
I'm officially "accidentally set myself on fire" drunk
Woke up with a migrane, threw up blood, then my headache went away. I'm going to convince myself that it was just a bad batch of blood so I can drink again tonight
thank you TLC waking up to a water birth on tv really put the cherry on top of my hangover...
You swear the intervention is for her? I've fallen for that one twice.
I'm mentally preparing my vagina for this semester. It's fucking welcome week. I'm going to be talking to her all night.
Nothing says I've got my life together like vomiting on the groom and passing out at your youngests sisters wedding
once he tried to wake me up from my hangover nap to have sex, that's when things went downhill. he had to go.
For a guy who won't fuck me, your dick is out a lot when we talk.
I was just drinking but now I'm drinking and chasing with red bull. I call this "getting ready for work"
im going to smoke a cigarette and reflect on my life choices
Last thing googled on my laptop last night was vagina chaffing. What the fuck?
Randomize
