In similar news, my cock is bigger than the plane that landed in the hudson.
If I had a motorized wheelchair, I'd just chase the squirrels on campus all day.
Its really not funny anymore. I need to stop shaving while i'm drunk
When I stretch out her lips her vagina looks like a dolphin...this birthmark is awesome
I just saw the list where the U.S. doesn't even rank in the top 10 in drinking countries. I know its Tuesday but....its for America
She said "don't make this weird" and then proceeded to sniff me.
The last thing I remember was doing a line in the shape of Texas
Its mothers day, andI woke up with 12 bar stamps on my face, holding orange juice and a box of tampons. This can not be happening
Adults smoke weed in footie pajamas man. You just gotta accept me for who I am.
I feel very compelled to cut off the person's ears that is sitting in front of me
This feeling I'm having... is it love or a combination of alcoholism and unprotected rough sex
You made out with both twins? Ten points to you!
I apparently asked the bartender for a plastic bag and told her I was gunna puke then grabbed two handles from the bar then put the handles in the plastic bag and left.....
Id like to submit an apology whenever you feel like talking.
Its not gonna be for awhile Im not a very forgiving person especially since you TOTALED MY FUCKING CAR.
Are you telling me right now that the weed man sexted you?
THE WEED MAN SEXTED ME!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
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