I'm sorry that you just had your first misguided homo experience
I’m once again drinking at eight am on a Sunday in my tutu. This garment is literally my best purchase ever.
His pubic hair was longer than his dick
When you're about to leave, tell him "bye." At that point, he should say something. If he doesn't say anything, well, our drinks were free and he gets a free make out with yours truly.
You should be grateful to be my roommate. My booty calls always drive you places in the morning.
my text book just quoted the cookie monster
why did your cousin post "out tonight" on facebook? doesn't he know it's only 1 in the afternoon?
shhh don't tell him. it's cloudy out and none of his clocks work
Needing to keep one leg on the floor during sex so you dont spin should qualify for some kind of drunk award.
you left me with this keg alone. this is on your hands
When you get home...find me in the shower. Only safe place at the moment.
Like I could never be a lawyer because I would just look like a porn star impersonation of a lawyer.
I realized it was late, and he was my brother in humanity and another incarnation of my own life force and consciousness, so I regained control of myself, thanked him for helping me, and went home.
Accidentally drunk dialed my mom last night. Started the conversation with "Where you at girl?"
like honestly, the vodka had to go somewhere, and your moms soap dispenser just seemed right at the time..
It was a crazy night: tears were shed, blood was spewed, and bottles were emptied.
Randomize
