I Apparently saved a picture of the Eiffel tower in between 2 pics of his dick. It appears to be the same size. I fucking love Paris.
If I don't wake up hungover in a ditch Monday morning I will consider my halloween a failure
Please check on her. She announced that Thursday she'd open herself to any veteran so as to thank them for their service. "my services for your service" and left the bar with three numbers.
Is that you who's passed out on my treadmill?
Blacked in riding a tandem bicycle with a stranger. We stopped for hot dogs.
we are all four or five tequila-induced decisions away from shitting in a bucket, come get me please.
I can't live in this building much longer. People are starting to figure out that it's me making the weird sex noises.
YOU WERE HAVING SEX IN THE SAME BED I WAS SLEEPING IN. AND YOU GRABBED MY HAIR. OF COURSE I'M PISSED.
I have to answer enough questions about you, I don't need your uterus tossed in the conversation.
Well he was saying something about being emotionally unavailable since his dad died, but then I blew him in a tree and he shut up
Please tell me that all of the things I remember doing last night didn't really happen. Please.
2015 is a year for health and mental stability and alas we are not yet there so yolo
That was years ago. And it was chlamydia.
Hey! Happy Birthday! Could you do me a favor and bring my underwear to the bar?
I like to listen to classical music when I eat taco bell. I think it cancels out the aura of poverty and desperation.
Randomize
