I think scott just propositioned me for sex
omg... punch me in the throat... I am about to lose my mind with my parents.. I'm not saying I agree with the menendez brothers.. but I understand
i told him im from Canada, abortion is free
you know how i said i wouldn't send that pic message of your lofted bed falling from you fucking a fat chick? that was after i sent it to your mom
So apparently I shook her hand very polite, said weiner and walked away
so apparently the car got towed with me passed out in the back seat.
If I go there, please come with. It will accelerate the lesbian rumor but be totally worth it.
well I already know I'm going to hell, at this point it's really go big or go home
My dad just sent me a text reminding me to bring the family beer pong championship belt. Thanksgiving 2012 just got real
Spent the majority of my senior year drunk. Graduate of 2011, I think 2011. Probably.
Dude. Woke up this morning wearing that chick's panties. 8/10, would recommend. I love tequila.
This text constitutes a formal request for sexual congress under the terms of our Relationship Agreement.
the roommate is literally cooking green eggs n ham, and I'm too hungover to see straight. Dr Seuss nightmare.
I wonder how horrible I look to customers. There's cuts all over my face and I can't talk.
What are the cuts from? Head-butting the bathroom light fixture?
Honestly that's best case scenario.
I boned my sugar daddy for the first time yesterday and now I know why they say guys in their 40s are the best. Also I’m getting a car.
Randomize
