I think my hot accountant is wearing banana republic. I miss the days when that ='ed gay. Signals are so confusing now.
I'm on a mission to free the leash kids. Like liberating the Israelites from Egypt. Only better.
If im going to fail a midterm I might as well be drunk while I do it
please come get me his dick is out. i'm sitting on his couch and his dick is out. come now
Ya I guess he's not a bad roommate. I mean if he wasn't here I would probably be more lazy and pee in bottles and stuff.
My mouth holds just enough water for my bong
The staff doesn't like it when you try and take your wheelchair for a joy ride since I've been waiting for an hour and a half.
NEVER PUT A LIT CIGARETTE BEHIND YOUR EAR
Ten minute nap on a staircase honey badger don't care
I love you. Mom got to wasted at the wedding that she threw up on my shirt.
So the contents found in my winter coats this year: coat 1, condom and 10$. Coat 2, condom and 75$ check. Coat 3, 2.05$ and a sunflower seed.
Obviously coat 3 had the best time since you used the condom and all of the money
He said he would pay my bar tab if he couldn't answer my question. He lost to the age old question of our youth. Why did pogs go out of style.
He has fairy lights round his bed.. And played Jamie cullum when we had sex... Hes batting for the other team right?
Also, why does our bed smell like mayonnaise?
I don’t know if I’m nauseous or just disgusted with myself.
you came home and ate 12 bananas. you really didnt think mom would know you were high?
Randomize
