i said i was sorry for his girlfriend's cancer diagnosis and he said "easy come, easy go" and tried to fuck me
The Wii Fit is already telling me I'm an alcoholic.
We were walking home when he passed out, we left him. Just got a call from him, hes in a jail in Canada.
My aunt totally just drunk dialed me when i was super stoned, it was so intense
Apparently I promised a worker at La Siesta free English lessons to make up for vomming all over the little Mariachi band.
There needs to be waaaay more alcohol in my apartment if I am going to survive being unemployed
YOU NEED TO STOP BLOWING DUDES ON MY COUCH AT MY PARTIES
YOU NEED TO STOP PROVIDING TEQUILA AT YOUR PARTIES
He kept humping my leg and whispering "dont worry, thats my phone not my penis"
The novelty of Nekkid Straight Roommate has faded.
Also this freshmen guy is talking about his gag reflex and no one is making blowjob jokes. I have no faith in the next generation.
So are we just not going to talk about the time I came home to you jerking it in the kitchen?
I don't like how my gyno is telling me how to live my life.
Is it weird to smoke a bong with a client from work?
See, remember when you wanted to get an Ashley Madison account and I told you not to and you hated me? You. Are. Welcome.
We should get drunk in walmart
when?
20 minutes ago
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