i just saw a midget buying condoms and graham crackers. i wonder which was the impluse buy.
drinking colt 45 because lando calrissian told me to
whoever created level 16 on brickbreaker is a dick
They had miseltoe over the keg.... thats cheating
Just TALKING to him is better than banging my bf, imagine what actual banging will be like.
we found you standing over and eating out of my neighbor's garbage can
There is a different car in my driveway. Have no clue how I got home.
Found a dirty envelope on my seat w ur name and $122.50 written on the front. Nothing inside but what looks like dirty pine needles
I've been alternating between telling people I was mauled by a bear or hit by a car to explain the massive unexplainable bruise on my leg. Slightly more worried now that the car idea is believable.
IM PICKING UP BLOW FOR US STOP WHINING ABOUT SEX
yeah i didn't know anyone, but i just walked in with a lit sparkler and wearing a budweiser shirt and someone handed me a beer.
Bone him for me, BONE HIM TWICE FOR ME.
Current status: Finding an unwrapped portion of Subway sandwich in my purse at the pharmacy counter & picking pieces of tomato off my wallet while the pharmacist watches disdainfully.
Did you offer her some?
If only. Current status: Not that clever.
He said he "doesnt care at all, really" if I shave my legs or not. Challenge accepted.
It will be too late. I will have fornicated with the enemy by then.
Randomize
