Dude. I haven't taken a shit in a week.
Try anal, it works wonders.
I know you are passed out now but when you wake up in the morning your keys are in the freezer and your probly gunna want to apologize to your gf...
HOLY SHIT! Did you see the dick on that Great White Shark?!?!?!
Thanks for stranding me with th douchebag award recipients
Doctor said I have sports induced asthma.
Call me old fashioned, but around here we call that "out of shape."
I'm blazed about to take my 8am final. Another girl is too. We just looked each other in the eyes. She's my soul sister.
Yo I tried to get u stoned for ur dreams by blowing weed smoke in ur face while u slept. Ur welcome.
Wow just saw this. Nothing like a little anal sex to ring in 2012.
And now she's hand feeding me pork rines and showing me her angry birds high scores. This is Vegas.
I'm not sure that our 12-years-ago-high-school-"relationship," and 179 texts in the last 4 hours is gonna be enough to squeeze a naked smartphone picture of me. I'm gonna need some chicken wings or Makers Mark before that starts happening.
Wrote my name backwards on the test and asked for extra credit points. Late start booze days are my new favorite thing.
I can feel the judgmental stares of Christians from around the world right now.
Oh my god the guy at DQ just gave me the number 69 and winked at me
He called me for phone sex. Do you know how hard it is to fake an orgasm, and play Candy Crush at the same time?
How was it?
Incredible. Everyone in the world should be having the kind of sex I've been having.
He should write a pamphlet or something...
I sent him nudes while he is at work because I am an evil human being.
Randomize
