I feel like I just won at life, no connection sex and free 12 pack of beer after. Does life give out trophies, if so I want a big one.
It was like my butthole was peeing. Felt comforting yet not fulfilling.
Yeah. Fortunately, the road to Hell is paved with naked 21 year old girls.
Which beats the fuck out of good intentions.
The more my room-mate speaks, the more I notice that she was home schooled.
i have my graded calc test (94%) sitting on my empty case of beer next to my desk. this is me winning at college.
i just had to use the keg as a stool to reach the margarita maker. i'm such a problem solver.
Woke up next to a half eaten California burrito. It was tucked in.
i proceeded to stick my hands in his pants while he continued to repeat i have a girlfriend
Your roommates boyfriend just approached me while I was working to tell me about the staph infection he got on his face. Where do you find these people?
i hope youre ready for a shit show because we just ordered a whole pitcher of red headed sluts
I had a girl last night tell me that she was happy to find a condom wrapper in my garbage because,and I quote, "well at least you're not raw dogging every slore that crosses your path"
I would've fucked Winston Churchill - rode that D like I was going into battle.
The tamale guy is fucking with me, I wanna sleep in he wakes me up; early wake-n-bake and he's late and I'm hungry
I just walked in on her masturbating to a social anxiety video...
Tonights mission: get trashed, smoke a bowl on top of the silo, get some dick. Not necessarily in that order.
Randomize
