I had a dream last night that we were eating cake at Mercy...hahaha. I'm furious I didn't see you.
I bet he comes in French.
I'm so glad you managed to take a picture of your foreskin before you broke my camera.
I just accidently tagged myself in the picture of the 16 year olds spreading their legs in bikinis. Failure.
He just seriously used the word "skeet." Can we please find another way to get weed?
No. Take one for the team.
my parents are out trying to convince the local liquor stores to post "do not sell our daughter alcohol" flyers. i'm preping my defense now.
Matt just took me to visit my puke stain from 2 weeks ago at the train station...I'm fucking impressive
I just had my first boner in 64 days today....glad to find out my fluids are still pumpin
All I've had today is a brownie and a shot of Jack, so you know. I'm doing ok.
I just haven't been myself lately. I slept with a guy 21 years older than me and I've been wearing my hair in a center part.
Liz is crying about burritos again.
I literally just rubbed my stomach and told my liver to "hang in there baby"
You said too many real things and now I need to crawl back inside my protective fort of sarcasm, being an asshole, and sass
And then she proceeded to tell us that blowing your brother made her feel like part of the family. At this point you were still pretending to be a cat. Need I give another reason she can't live with us?
The lady at the front desk wished you a happy hangover.
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