Come in. Grab a controller and a beer. We've got some Madden to beat.
You're the best girlfriend ever.
maybe tonight we can turn coloring into a drinking game
Lots of explosions. Minor nudity. Full penetration and lots of tuxedos.
There's so much relief when you realize you wake up in your own bed
Tell me you remember me getting a tampon from the girl throwing up in the next stall
He got a slutty, ugly mother of a 7 year old, and I got a dog that only sleeps and shits on clean clothes. No one won in this break up.
I feel like I shouldn't have to explain to you why giving your cat weed was a bad idea.
Can we just focus for a minute on the fact that I HAD MY FIRST LESBIAN ENCOUNTER.
Right. How rude of me to inform you that you're going to be an aunt.
I just watched in amazement as you had a full conversation about water temperature and bacteria with your pet goldfish.
So I'm sitting here baked on a bridge thinking about how plants think, I miss you so much
Our DD painted my costume on me for tonight. The strippers have been teaching him how to paint costumes.
It all started with sending him a text about Spongebob. It escalated from there.
You would think a husband, a boyfriend, and a vibrator would be enough. But sadly it's not
I say camping because "let's go get hammered in the woods" sounds kinda fucking weird to be honest.
How many Hail Marys does a girl need to say to get some quality nudes?
Randomize
