WHY DOES GOD HATE MY DICK
Without me, you would never be able to say you partied with a midget!
Grandma just handed out bail money... it's officially christmas
Having him as a wingman is like telling the girl you already have aids
I'm currently day drinking, studying and making corn. Don't tell me what I can't do.
Tomorrow's thirsty thursday is now sponsored by the three time champion, chemisty failure. celebration starts asap.
What is she getting? Last time we talked her behavior was conducive to getting a tramp stamp on her face.
He used Kanye West lyrics to justify what happened and I accepted his logic
WHEN YOU HAVE SEX WITH A GUY FROM A DIFFERENT COUNTRY YOURE SUPPOSED TO NEVER SEE THEM AGAIN
Just because you have put things in my vagina does not mean you know me
Me and mom just bonded over our mutual desire to bang Mark Ruffalo. I'm not sure how to feel about this.
First morning at school this semester and I threw up in a bush during my walk of shame.
Like, I don't need to know your life dude. I just need you to suck my tits.
Things could not have gone more poorly if I had stripped naked and run through the Sahara with sirloins tied to my vagina.
I know you’re not my dad, but you’re someone’s dad. You’re also like a second dad to me as well. And one who I send nudes to as well. Happy Father’s Day
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