Killed two birds with one stone: found my wallet and unclogged the toilet.
You just kept saying over and over "Tell me I won't do it." Someone finally told you you won't. You did. Welcome to herpes.
Ah that type of Dick. I think my phones trying to make me less of a whore by capitalizing Dick. That way it looks like I'm talking about a dude not penis
He didn't seem too mad about the puke on the side of his car. You still have a chance.
I'm pretty sure my moms getting nailed in the bathroom right now while I'm chaperoning. God damn it.
This text is addressed to sober me: getting drunk by yourself may have seemed like a Good idea at first bit it can tell you that it wasn't ad fun as you thought it would be
Ps your lap top bag is FULL of empty beets
I'm drunk and you're awesome. let's stay this way forever.
Indoor beer darts at Rafs just turned into a trust exercise of putting your hand on the wall and closing your eyes while the other throws.. Almost gave Cale a Tracheotomy
New brilliant plan: invite two random okcupid girls to the same bar at the same time, have them compete
She gatecrashed the wedding and managed to get an invite to the open bar reception. Lucky bitch
You're 21st was epic. I woke up at 6 a.m. on the floating beer pong table in the pool with a beer still in hand. Didn't even spill any
I told him he could fuck me in his Notre Dame jersey if they won and he never texted back. What is this world coming to
Great news. I WILL BE FUCKING IN A BOUNCY HOUSE TOMORROW.
Please remind me next time not to call the ex who cheated on me to cry about the ex who forgave me for putting him in prison. It would be much appreciated.
Is it wrong to want to use the Dark Web to buy Vyvance for legitimate purposes?
Randomize