Maybe she gives good head
A girl who still calls a dick a "wiener"cannot possibly give good head
how to cook rice: 1. put random amount of rice and water in a pot 2. have sex on the kitchen floor. when you are done having sex the rice is ready
Hey, could you leave the door unlocked? Keys seem hard right now.
separated laundry into 'got laid' and 'didn't get laid' piles.
He cummed in my mouth, then said he had to go because his best friend broke his foot falling off of a balcony, put twenty dollars in my hand and was gone before I could even swallow...
having to delete all your hookups stored in your phone as first name followed by frat/bar after they've graduated is such a bittersweet feeling
He'd bedazzaled his ass. Im not even that gay...
In need of cum proof mascara. Don't judge me.
When I say drunk I mean that in the process of filming a fratstar cooking show they threw a keg into the street where the police came to clean it up. now all they can say is "THE KEG GOT ARRESTED."
the saddest part is, this is not even the first time i've woken up in a shopping cart with a concussion.
i know i should keep better track of the things that i put in your vagina but i've put so many things in there it's hard to keep track
She just causally held my limp dick in her hand the entire movie. Her parents were cuddling on the couch too..that brave!
She used my 100 Ways To Cope With Stress handout to wipe puke off her face
I don't know what the bubonic plague feels like- but I'm gonna guess its something like this.
I just washed down my antidepressant with some pineapple wine. I'm the picture of mental health this holiday season
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