I will one day have loud vengeance sex as my revenge against you. Until then I'm just going to sit in the living room playing John Mayer while you're trying to do it.
this morning i realized i came home with more condoms then i left. burn.
how drunk are you?
What does that even mean anymore?
You'll be happy to know that I did indeed fracture my rib in a sex related injury
Trying to guess which perfume the stripper was wearing based on my bf's clothes
i licked icing off his dick. in front of his sister.
Just made a list of all the guys I've hooked up with. "Roofie tattoo eyelids", "xanex night guy", "rainy concert", "cory blanket" and "naked hottub guy" made it.
He showed me a picture of his baby hamsters and I called them "Mammal McNuggets"
Sorry bro I thought you were kidding. If I'm actually jerking off I usually said "Just a sec getting dressed" or something
Thinking of someone think of me while masturbating while I masturbate. & that's how the over thinkers do it ✌️
I was totally pumped and so was my beard
I had sex with him in the back of my car in a duck onesie. I'm worth something dammit.
Last nights hook up turn into a star wars history lesson.. He's luck y he's pretty..
MAGGIE IS ON MY COUCH PETTING AN HONEST TO CHRIST ARMADILLO AND SOBBING INTO HOT CHOCHOLATE. WHAT THE FUCK DID YOU DO TO HER.
My professor just said irregardless, get me out of here
I guess he's ir-illiterate
Randomize
