1:32a: I quit. signing up for eharmony. Don't judge
I am at The Loft in SoNo, and there are two girls within arms reach that are making out with each other AGGRESIVELY. Like I can see 100% of a boob
For future reference, this is Trevors little sisters phone now. Trevs number is 484 XXX XXXX. Great story tho
Do you realize we just stole 12 dollars worth of quarters each from the office petty cash just to get manicures? New high or New Low?
i wish i could just chop off my fat with a knife..i would rather endure that than work out
Joey just asked me if I ever got anything stuck in my vag.
was it embarrassing when you had to say yes?
Just threw up at the bar from the heat. Fun change of pace.
This morning is cloudy with a high chance of vomiting all over the dentist. Stay tuned for further updates.
Because of his penis, I can't even look at a hot dog
Well, now that you have a gf, its gonna be awkward when I get drunk and make out with you..... Then later, pretend like I don't remember.
Everything is just really out of control. I hear puking from three different parts of the house. Roger has black eye from being punched. Kaiser tried shaving his head, but somehow burned himself. Music is bumping, but everyone is either puking and calling out for help or blacked the fuck out.
I watched you down those shots like a lion cub watching its mother rip apart a gazelle
Also. I think I just got sentimental over a nude
I WANT BLOOD. HERS. I WILL DYE A FABULOUS PAIR OF SUEDE PUMPS RED WITH HER BLOOD.
we got cockblocked by his mom again...its like she has a radar on me
please stop trying to sleep with him
Hey, um, after thinking about it, I decided I really don't want to use applying olive oil to your ass for your fissure as part of foreplay because... well... really? Just read that again.
Randomize
