You just left with that feminine looking guy you kept calling "Jessica." Just giving the heads up.
shes got a really nice body. but her face is eh.
you dont need a face to have sex
i saw the 3rd guy i ever had sex with last night and kept calling him #3
She made me sing happy birthday to myself at the urinal.
His pick up line was "your one sexy pumpkin, I'd love to carve." Why would you let me go home with him?
Just had a 40 min argument about how many celebrity guest appearances on Sesame Street were court ordered for DUIs.
Taking Gomer to the ER. He tore something trying to stretch his nutsack enough to put his balls in his own ass. I need new friends.
I do have a life. It just consists of making scarves and chesse straws now
ok thanks goodnight
Also before you go to bed i just have to get it out there that i really like macklemore as a person
After closing we did it on every flat surface in the bar. Best use a coaster if you're coming to happy hour today.
He said I was doing well, so I stopped mid blow job to compliment his grammar. You could say I like intellectuals
I'm not well. Although it could be worse.
My cousin is so hungover she quit her job.
Talked a police officer into driving us the 1/2 mile home from the bars because we didn't want to walk. I never knew the back of cop Cars had plastic seats.
I have just received a gold-medal-deserving sext. He wrote me a fucking novel. Not only am I incredibly turned on but I am beyond impressed. He is the sext god. I must bow to him.
he came over last night and we fucked with the great british baking show on in the background. it was beautiful
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