Tonight, I'm planning on being a bigger trainwreck than Britney Spears circa 2007.
The Lord gave Farrah Fawcett 1 wish when she died. She wished that all children in the world would be safe! The Lord granted her wish and killed Michael Jackson.
Also, our mothers are placing bets on which of us will get pregnant first.
An accidental pregnancy to a guy with a trustfund is no mistake. It is a gift from god.
we've got reservations. ask for the eat a bag of dicks table
Did I change midway through last night?
Seven times. The most notable outfits were UFC Fighter and Top Hat Viking
I stared at his lazy eye for so long, he thought I had one too. Then we bonded over our lazy eyes. I had to fake one all night. My head is fucking killing me. NEVER pretend to have a lazy eye.
I needed 3am water. Not 3am shots of rum.
I woke up with chocolate melted between my tits. I'd say that's a win for all parties involved.
Yeah probably not. I have a hair appt, a gun class, and hopefully a boy to fuck. I'm booked.
My fridge is empty and all of my food is in the bathtub. Just.. Why?
Well, he hasn't actually seen me naked. Just my boobs... and the left side of my vagina.
just ran into my drill sergeant from basic 4 years ago. gonna take him home and have him fuck me at the cadence of quick time.
Okay, maybe filling water balloons with vodka was not our best idea.
Lost my pants last night. Really need to stop taking shots of whiskey like I'm eating skittles.
Randomize
