i found a dude playing guitar on the portapotty
he whipped it out and it smelt like my toilet after taco Tuesday
do you ever think like no deep thought could take place in the spanish language? like all they talk about is like tacos?
how high are you?
I'm about to enter vancouver's biggest liquor store. I feel like I should sent you a "wish you were here" postcard.
She tags her boyfriend in all of her pictures on her heart...
Home. Barefoot. Drunk. Crying. Puked. Brushed teeth. Washed face. Dying. Need Cuddle.
You called me 32 times last night just to tell me you felt a heartbeat in your vagina?
Apparently I texted my high school english teacher asking her to tell me what logical fallacies she taught us three years ago.
Three people drank on "never have I had sex in a tractor." Iowa at its best?
You were such a shitshow...I was just standing in the kitchen eating my toaster strudel and you came in, whispered "you didn't see anything" and led him to the couch
When you're done railing that chick, there is still half a pizza and some ninja turtle mac and cheese down here if you want
Nothing like being naked and confused and clutching a scented candle...at least I woke up in my own bed though.
Remember that time you puked in the middle of wendy's?
Yeah, why?
The staff still remembers me for cleaning it up. Thanks for the free frosty and fries
It's only 9 and these two girls are already walking around Walmart barefoot and holding their heels. WE NEED TO STEP IT UP.
dude the last time we saw him was 2 nights ago when he was yelling that the trees were naked or some shit then he ran into the forest. I think its time for a search party
Randomize
