After work we went home to fool around. Turns out he had sawdust under his foreskin. I'm never going down on him again.
Exactly. I don't do penetration on the first date. Blowjobs however are perfectly acceptable.
I encourage the greeting beej. It determines if the dick is worth keeping around.
The guy at McDonald's just told us there is no flash photography allowed.
I just single handedly caused ferngully by printing the wrong 900 page document
Just found out that wake n bake is not one of the 7 habits of highly effective people..
This is a dangerous game of "whose life is more pathetic".
Where are you and who are these girls passed out on the floor?
and why are they spooning a flamingo?
they traded weed for a spot on our floor. be nice.
The bouncer at this strip club is my new best friend. He is also very persuasive. He got me to strip onstage for a t shirt. It's a nice shirt.
That big chick who gave you the handly polished off one of the walls to the ginger bread house right before she came outside. FYI
Hey could you buy me 2 bottles of arbor mist? I'm trying to get laid tonight
HEY. That drawer full of booze in my dorm room also has aspirin and Tums in it. So don't tell me I don't care about health.
For real, I've been ditched by my boyfriend twice today alone. I fucking shaved for this guy.
Somewhere out there, Gloria Steinem just started to cry.
You know your night is done when the police confiscate your bra at high school basketball game
Is it fucked up to venmo someone for plan-b?
Topless, eating sour gummies, doing a crossword, at 4 AM. TELL ME IM BEAUTIFUL!
Randomize
