my brother is about to go smoke a joint outside... he's preparing his munchies on the counter beforehand. I admire his responsibility.
we need a dd. For wednesday. At lunch. What are we doing with our lives?
succeeding
So I told her I dislocated my shoulder and she said "well okay. I can either be on top or blow you."
Decisions, decisions.
Note to self: never do anything I don't want to explain to a paramedic
i have a picture in my phone of you with a bottle of tequila in your back pocket. i believe you were saying "pocket of champions" or something along those lines
My econ prof just gave me a shot glass because I was the "randomly picked" winner of the lecture. Ties into our supply and demand lecture, supplied with a shot glass, demand a thirsty thursday
Did you make me take pictures of your ass last night because you fucked on some wet paint or did i dream that?
Just got into a fight with a trashcan, today is obviously not going to be my day.
I woke up and my backpack was empty. He used me for sex, and back to school supplies.
He? As in you personified your dick?
She's like the sister I never had that I want to bang.
I think that's the first time I had "ass rimming" scroll across my phone at work
Here’s how sick I am. I’m not hungry. I don’t want coffee. And I don’t want dick. So, you know it’s bad.
A true gentleman never tells. But yes, I did indeed get laid last night
Great, now I'm picturing myself as a fucking garden gnome
Randomize
