Well, emily woke up in Hoboken, cati woke up in jersey city, and i woke up in brooklyn....and our hotel room we rented in the city remained empty. Best birthday yet.
Even my Russian and Serbian roommates think I drink to much.
I learned an important lesson this weekend.... I'm way to good at sex to travel for it. From now on he drives here...
Careful when you walk in I'm laying by the door.
the potatoes in the margarita machine wasn't the breaking point. its when he turned on the stove and put a bunch of bottle rockets on it that i knew the night had prematurely failed
Stop giving guys blow jobs because you're no good and it's messing up my sex life. Word gets around & then they think it's me and don't believe me when I say I have a twin. Learn to stuck dick right.
Its Nebraska, I'm sure im not the first person to wake up hungover in a corn field.
So my dealer asked me if I wanted to join his circle because we smoked so much this summer he thinks we're dealing
Making drunken Mac n cheese at 3 am I understand why witches constantly stir their cauldrons. Much more homogenized temperature and slim chance of boiling over. Good job witches.
You got pulled on stage by a stripper who wore ruffled ankle socks and did jumping jacks for her dance. Then you were put in a chokehold by a security guard that almost cried because you supposedly said "fuck you!" to him.
All of the hungover. I've changed not showered but can't quite make it to the booze.
WE'RE IN THE RED ZONE PLAY THRU THE PAIN
When a guy invites you to dinner and breakfast the next day it's implied that he's going to make some sweet loving in betwixt correct?
One door closes, one man cooks for you through the next open door
I'm not winning any crowns in the Miss Emotionally Stable pageant either...
ugh my stomach is so upset-- didn't get a chance to take a violent enough hangover shit at work
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