The bird has been looking kind of ugly lately...gotta look nice to fly with the hawk ya know?
my sister just canceled her nose job because she thought it would hurt too much
It'll hurt less than being alone
Dude stop singing. Your life is not an episode of fucking glee
i guess i finally out drove tiger woods this morning..
When did we start counting Thursdays as weekends?
When we got our fake ids in grade 11, why?
I just feel like it's time to start counting wednesdays as well...
I'd hate to be 100% hetero. Pretty sure they have less orgies
You don't seem to appreciate the rareness of his junk.
Send me a picture. I'm more of a visual learner.
Thats the last time im "arresting" you to get out of paying your bar tab.
What?! The only reason I married your sister is to have a Cop in the family!
You haven't lived until you've watched a retriever try to bring back the condom you just threw in its master's garbage
Side note. I love it when I think I've sobered up and then I get a second wind of drunk
At the very least, I mastered a nap while occasionally being dry humped.
My friend had to carry her up the steps on his shoulder, and then she got up, found an ironing board and set it up in my friend's room just in case he needed to iron things.
I helped you wax your vagina and you won't even get me Corn Nuts you fucking bitch?
I’m getting back at my ex and training my new boy toy how to properly satisfy a woman. I’m killing two birds with one dick.
Why do so many fanfic writers want to see hockey players get pregnant?
Randomize
