and when i screamed you came in my eye, i found out that everyone else in the room had only pretneded to be sleeping
She made a list of the things each of us had done wrong and assigned a point system. Guess who came out the loser?
We can't have sex anymore. The amount of money I've spent on meds and copays for UTIs is getting ridiculous
can you call in chlamydia to work? like if the antibiotics they gave you for it are giving you the shits...
It's official. 2011 is the year of sport fucking
At the ER. Dropped bottle lead to cut foot which led to me drunk hitting on doctors. Not going well.
Im down. Even tho your nick name intimidates my vagina.
You missed me roundhouse kicking a lit glow stick out of a guy's mouth last night. You would have been proud.
WHY DIDN'T YOU INVITE ME TO RUN THROUGH TACO BELL'S SPRINKLERS AT 4AM?!
No. Mother. Fucking. Jello shots. Just no. I'm not falling into that trap again.
Weekend plan is a big bag of dope, delivery food, Bollywood marathon and masterbating my dick raw.
I'm calling in my "fuck at anytime anywhere" card. Meet me at my place in 20 min, wear your Waldo costume.
Was it you that ate my bacon or do I have to rip my roommate's face off?
He just went to a job interview a sharpie moustache drawn on his face..
A stripper choked me last night. Then I choked her. Now we're going on a date this Saturday.
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