i know we just met, but i forget your name, and i'm wondering why my penis burns?
And that's when I found out that Patrick wasn't in fact down with O.P.P.
as nice as a boyfriend sounds, a relationship would require morals and self-restraint - both fields in which i lack.
momma always taught us never to change for a boy..
You weren't lying about those ceramics students giving the best hand jobs.
I found a vibrator in my car and it's not mine...this is becoming a weird day.
You were walking around with a baby carrier pretending your vodka was a baby. You tried to get pictures on santas lap
We're playing fucking games. GAMES. THIS IS BULL SHIT. IM GOING TO THROW UP ON THE BABIES AND LEAVE.
Are taco bell cups microwave safe? I can't make that judgement right now
I agree though, his intact virginity is truly the tragedy of the century.
Who showers for four hours?!
It was like a tropical nap.
Thanks to you I just drunkenly spot washed a Star Wars hoodie, at midnight on a Friday. If there is a greater level of nerdiness I do not know of its existence
I haven’t sent any nudes yet in 2018.
That’s not true...is it?
Were not even through the second month of the year and I potentially may have torpedoed a marriage...
it was weird i started the party in just my underwear and woke up in my clothes
Then you got drunk and shit in her car. Nothing before that matters. She isn’t calling you back.
Randomize
