No, don't ignore my call, i just need to know, whats cuter a pig in boots or a miniature horse sitting down..
i woke up with socks on this morning
so?
i didnt wear socks last night
you don't know how close you are to someone till they ask you to shave their ass.
Man, I must say, having known you since preschool, Eiffel-Tower-ing her would've fully completed our journey to brotherhood.
We're in ER. He's high on morphine and I'm drunk. Gonna score some bed pans for jello shots.
Fucked Zombie Jesus at a Halloween party. I need Plan B before I give birth to the Antichrist.
i left because you were standing at the top of the stairs throwing shot glasses and bottles full of alcohol at me and yelling JAGERBOMBS
Tis the season to puke in grandma's bathroom
I tried to convince the Lobo Card people to take my pic with my sunglasses on because I will probably always be this hungover.
I have no idea. I think this is what happens when people take drugs in the middle of the day
Seriously you have a sixth sense. You woke up out of a nap to tell us all to check the clock and it was 4:18. You're like the spiderman of smoking weed.
Good thing I left work early to shave my balls because traffic sucked ass, which I was written up for and my reason on the write was "to close on time, have to shave balls for date tonight". Oh yea, that was a bold statement right there
What happened to my face?
You kneed yourself in the eye during the Harlem Shake.
It was impressive.
Nothing like snapchatring dick pics to a\nMarried woman while your girlfriend destroys Taco Bell in the next room. Almost caught, worth it. Got boobs back
Hey, how are you?
No. You're dead to me, you hamster stealing slutbag.
Randomize
