Dude, you really need to stop hitting on girls by telling them you sang a cappella in college.
I just projectile vomited in a Methodist church parking lot. If Jesus didn't love me before he sure as hell doesn't now.
you go from almost hooking up with the hottest guy at the party, to going home with your ex....how is that even mathematically possible
Well, I wanted to be you for Halloween but I couldn't fit seven dicks in my mouth.
Homeboy was juggling while taking bong rips. Of course he got laid.
Only I could run tino my father in law while looking at condoms at Rite Aid. At 730 on a Thursday morning. I'm in trouble.
This teachers last name is pfister and she did the fisting motion to help explain how to pronounce her name. This class might be good
You told me "I need to pound this drinks if I'm going to pretend his dick is big enough" then left. Dollar night quotes 2012
Nursing home in NJ just got busted for prostitution and drugs...dropping off my deposit tomorrow
I think I have to break up with him. I just cried, not moaned, screamed, etc, cried, with tears of sadness and disappointment when I came.
Dude if I call tonight please answer and just say "NO, dont do it."
BAT SHIT CRAZY
It's you're fault, even though I never called
ayo
its like you know when i get waxed
Tequilla is a sneaky bitch ninja that doesn't kick in until you least expect it. Then BAM! You're peeing in unconventional places.
There's a lady rapping at me about making healthy food choices. She lives in a refrigerator. This is not okay with me
I will warn you that there is a pic of me riding a buffalo....and for the record, I was completely sober!!
Randomize
