apparently i ate an entire bag of goldfish, kissed some guy with a girlfriend who now wants to kill me, made my sister sleep in my bed with me while i wore no pants, and told my whole family i am pregnant with jonny's devil baby...never drinking again
Sorry, I don't speak sober.
:( I miss blowjobs.
This is probably the strangest conversational segue we've ever had.
She woke me up, whispered "I like the size of your dick", kissed me, and rolled over and went back to sleep
Responsibility does not care about your dick.
there was a trail of blood coming out of one of the bathroom stalls. thought of you
I am as serious as getting herpes in Mexico...
What do herpes have to do with anything?
The way I see it, everyone on campus has a fake, but I'm the only person who actually makes beer in their dorm.
Ya well here is the deal with last night, it was the Biggest shit show we have ever co-stared in.
Two questions. One. Where are you watching election results tomorrow? Two. Can we have Obama victory sex?
She was grinding on him and then she was eating a Big Mac. Who the hell brings a Big Mac to the club?
Are you stuck outside of your house because you forgot to walk up stairs? Cuz I've been there.
Celebrated the veterans I suppose, my mouth tastes of gin and black outs
possible new low: just washed a permanent marker penis off my cheek with porta-potty hand sanitizer.
also if this is gonna be a sample of how country jam will be, I might as well break up with him now. he spent the night blacked out and I could have been in a three-some.
Right now, I'm sitting in my room, drinking beer, eating double stuff Oreos, taking bites straight from a block of cheese, and watching Anchor Man 2 trailers. Finals week at its finest
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