he thought i was a dude.
My fucking roommate unpluged my alarm; I pissed on his clean clothes.
Dude also, my grandma got me condoms for easter and kind of winked. I don't know what to think
Yes i believe i did use that word. It culminated in a man wearing a corset thigh highs and stripper shoes. All mine btw.
Yeah, all the sudden I heard a loud "ding" and realized I had been passed out on the dorm elevator for about an hour....
well on a positive note i hear those vitamins you take while pregnant do wonders for your nails
Go to petsmart and tell me if the dog trainer is the guy I slept with friday. Thanks.
Just got tipped $5 for distracting some dude's gf while he got another girl's number. Bro-code at its finest.
everyone at work keeps looking at me like they know I got the herp this weekend
This is John, I met you downtown last night.
Oh, ok.
This is the cop that kept you out of trouble last night
I pulled a muscle last night drunk dirty snapchatting him
His baby mama found the pictures of us, she couldn't see my face but she could see my asshole. So I'm safe.
PLEASE HELP ME THE AMERICANS ARE YELLING ABOUT TURKEY, I DON'T KNOW WHAT TO DO
IT'S A GIANT FUCKING ROBOT, DUDE. LOGIC IS OUT OF THE QUESTION BECAUSE AWESOME.
i only got to wear my halloween costume for an half hour before it got taken off.
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