Isn't the perk of being in a relationship not having to put in effort for sex?
you're acting like its my fault you're allergic to sperm or something.
i told you we never speak of that again
She threw all the patio furniture in the pool saying she was building a castle.
I cant shower it involves moving...
Just lay there and turn the water on. At least rinse off the shame.
Just had to masturbate in the bathroom because mom changed my room into a "knitting" room. I hate coming home.
His new place is a molesden. Like a hole in the ground. It's frightening how oddly private it is.
It rubs the lotion on it's foreskin...
Totally forgot we howled at the full moon last night... It's safe to say Tuesday Boozeday is my new favorite day of the week
Holy shit I've found my last one night stand in my Gran's knitting club
I have a corndog on my dresser and a trashcan of puke. Thanks for a great night!
Of course i made out w him. He was painted green. You know of my secret longing for the Hulk.
We were 6 minutes into the movie before we realized the whole movie was spoken in Italian. That level of stupidly-ripped
I told him I was ready for another round and he said, "after this part." What guy chooses James Bond over pussy?!
I found a used condom and a hairbrush in my dryer this morning.
Hiring someone to do your laundry would be a good investment.
Im too stoned for my mom to be picking up hitch hikers. Help.
Are you still passed out in my back seat, or do I need to come find you?
Randomize
