Jennifer and I just ate like 4 jello shots w/ a guy dressed as inspector gadget. We are still in the capital building btw
I love Texas.
sorry about last night, I don't know what happened but I woke up this morning and looked strikingly similar to courtney love, it had to be bad.
No one showed up yet so I smoked 4:20 on chatroulette with a naked chick..
This is random, but did i give u a handjob in the middle of the night or was that a dream?
Maid of honor is brides sister and single. Likes lemondrops. You're welcome.
Just a smidgen more estrogen and shed be golden
She's got a legit dose of dude going on
No kidding. All she needs is a cheek full of chewing tobacco and I'd have fucked John wayne.
She fuckin peed on me
Stay golden ponyboy
I know he'd never cheat on me. It'd be like choosing Mexican tap water over Patron.
Are sex swings allowed in dorms
There must be a happy medium universe where you get it on with my girlfriend enough to cause me pain but not a full on cardiac arrest. It's a fine line to tread though.
I walked into Anna's room this morning and she was like teary eyed, with pizza sauce all over the place
Nothing says "back to school" like walking in the first day with a hangover
I'm sorry I pissed in your bedroom and then woke you up when I tried to jump off the balcony
Also you can't just sext a Michelle quote from Full House.
You had sex with a guy who has a purple beard last night. No Molly for a while, ok?
Randomize
