Your dignity remains intact. He, on the other hand, is completely convinced he slept with your cat.
Give me the approximate price and I'll give you the equivalence in blowjobs.
I really appreciate you zipping up my pants at the bar. You didn't even ruin my Bermuda triangle.
Seriously-without actually meaning the statement for it's words- that made me want to put a baby in you.
Just ran into a client at a sex shop. The meeting tomorrow is going to be really awkward as we both try not to picture each other using vibrators or role play costumes.
my mom called me mid shot and i accidentally answered and kept calling her my own name. somehow i thought that would help the situation.
GOT MY PERIOD AND AN INTERNSHIP OFFER THIS IS A WONDERFUL DAY
You partied and then got cock slapped, Don't tell me you didn't have fun
We just saw two bitche in pink capris jazzercising down the road. On Thanksgiving.
George disappeared two hours ago with a stripper named "delicious." Haven't seen him since
Red Alert: She has 3 cats, a parrot, and 2 rats. Initiate Protocol Zero and rendezvous at Checkpoint Bravo for debriefing
Does your Fitbit monitor your liver failure?
I don't remember much, but I remember he called me the dick whisperer, so it must not have been all bad.
The 666th photo in my phone is of him and if that's not a sign that he's secretly the Antichrist, idk what is. Also, bring more rum.
I fucked a marine... I told him it was like personal revenge and he said he could live with that and that he didn't mind being used.
Randomize