just walked by a lingerie store, the sign out front, "Specials for Father's Day", in no way is that just not wrong.
I just did something awful... i just had to tell someone... i just used my brothers electric face cleaner as a vibrator
Can we progress our friendship to a point where i'm at least granted a blowjob allowance?
The boys are giving me the exam answers and I don't even have to expose my body..yayy engineering!
There are 9 condoms on my bed either i met the greatest girl ever last night or something horrible has happened.
Yeah I remember I tried to close her head in the freezer last night
She started howling at the moon. That was pretty much the deal breaker.
I'm drinking wine alone, eating leftovers, and cleaning my sex toys. For the love of god, do not graduate.
You were carrying a 6 ft lamp that we stole on your back yelling "OHANA MEANS FAMILY AND FAMILY MEANS NOBODY GETS LEFT BEHIND"
My dad lost his bandaid somewhere in the turkey. It was a mixture of thanksgiving and an Easter egg hunt
... drunk me broke the coffee table?
STOP TALKING ABOUT YOURSELF IN THE THIRD PERSON. YOU DID THE THING.
how should I feel if a guy kept complimenting my bangs while I was giving him a blowjob?
Not at all! I'll let your potential employer know you have a huge dick
I just had a flashback to me puking and you telling me it was okay because my boobs still looked awesome.
i've got three words. i. was. spanked.
Randomize
