How many nights a week you wake up with sticky boxers cause you were dreaming of Clay Aiken? Your wife mad?
Plan A DEFINITELY worked... Go with me to get Plan B??
no morals, dignity, or self respect ... just an empty condom wrapper and a facebook request
bitch asked me if i cared if she kept her snuggie on while we had sex
that sweater is a total boner killer. you might as well be wearing a wedding dress.
My fucking roommate unpluged my alarm; I pissed on his clean clothes.
I can't wait until weight watchers comes out with a beer
Okay wait let me power puke and then we can go dancing
After we were finished she said "That was like marriage sex". Should I take that as a compliment or insult?
I am self-sufficient. I puked in a wine glass and emptied it in the trash. Points for style and neatness
In other news, someone I've had sex with won jeopardy last night.
The spray paint was a bad idea, 'insert penis here' isn't coming off
Because Kyle had a tattoo kit at his house and I wanted one and all he could draw was a mustache or a stickman on fire
I'm serious-it was like trying to deep-throat a minivan.
Honestly his girlfriend says she hates me cause she thinks im trying to get him to cheat on her with me...she should hate me cause i already accomplished that.
Randomize
