bobby jindal makes me wanna cover my ears. you make me wanna smile.
don't wear any deodorant. we have to do everything we can to sabotage this wedding
i just saw a guiness commercial where the guiness was on the verge of spilling the whole time. i was on the edge of my seat scared shitless. im an alcoholic.
Yeah. We was talkin. Its ok. My bed is too filled with pam for sex. Its like a slip and slide of butter product.
Lucky for you, I found your phone.....Not so lucky for you, it was in the bottom of your vomit-filled trashcan.
i have received so many congratulations texts this morning. sleeping with him really was a good decision.
remember the used condom we threw behind my bed? my mom found it and is accusing me and making a big deal out of it,
Haha! You pissed me off, so I actually told her to go look behind your bed. Good thing I moved to Nevada, so your dad can't kick my ass. Good luck bitch.
I miss vodka workout Fridays
He came up and told us to watch as he chugged his beer with no hands. Then asked if he could come drunk swimming with us.
well the blowjob for study guide exchange was a success.
I'm drinking nothing but vodka and coffee for the next 48 hours. For science.
the bride at the wedding we just crashed said we can stay only if we strip for her. You need to get down here
Is it completely inappropriate to base my morning after pill purchase on if they sell coffee or not?
Just had a med school interview with that doctor I fucked in college. He remembered. Asked if I still have my nipple rings. Overall, I think it went well.
Isn't it funny how we're still best friends after that incident with the old lady in the bathroom
You fucking bailed on me. But I love you still
Randomize
