for on dont try to tell me you love me after three weeks of talking, for two if you are going to do that stay away from the song lyrics to a very good country song that you happened to ruin by using it, and for three erase my number im fuckin your sister now
he was on top of me and all of a sudden stopped and starting picking his nose...i asked him if he was okay, he sort of looked confused, and he told me he had a booger that hurt. guess its a good thing i wasnt planning on dating this guy
Can you really blame Steve Phillips? He went to Michigan. Plowing fat girls is a 100-level course there.
There's a walmart bag of my vomit outside my front door. I just really need someone to appreciate that with me.
You'd think me telling him that I'm a lesbian would make him realize that I don't want to hook up with him.
How does one fall all the way up a flight of stairs? Its hard on me knowing that the survival of our species depends on me not reproducing.
my vagina has been out of service for wayy too long... this semester needs to start like right now
omg he fucking fingered me this morning. and i was just like this is the most awkward alarm clock ive ever had
Who ate shrimp cocktail in my bathroom last night?
Can we agree to not tell mom about this?
This isnt even the most disappointing thing i know about you.
Listen I know you hate her for what she did but this is getting our of hand. Please please tell me where you hid her wedding dress.
If man night ends at some point, hit me up and let me prove my vagina still exists.
Had the weirdest dream last night. If you're ever in Texas, do not come over with a 12 pack as a bribe and ask for a threeway between you, me, and my TA. I will take the beer though.
You can't just bring up bondage and then stop answering me
I ate at the cafeteria for the first time yesterday and today I think I had an hour long fart.
Randomize
