its like playing clue every morning after we party. she did him in the kitchen with..oh god.
and she said "My body is an orphanage, I take everybody in"...
Superbowl + Mdma, hope we're on the same page.
The family from the blindsided came and talked to us last night. The dad owns 68 taco bells. You would have been so inspired
can you look at this picture and tell me if you think this my kid?
And before you get all mad cause I said "nipples," I actually discarded "you are so wet right now" and "you have such a raging clit-on right now."
That's called being sensitive.
my parents decided to start a new christmas tradition. we will now be drinking champagne while opening presents, and we each get our own bottle
Sharing a bathroom with a guy sucks. I always have to set an alarm for the middle of the night just so I can take a dump. Poop text btw
Thank you for making it possible for me to get laid while having peace of mind my dog is well taken care of.
That was the night, like, my hair caught on fire...
Interesting occurrence: the application I use to keep track of my periods and sexual encounters just notified me it had been over 4 months since you were logged as an active partner and ask if I'd like to remove you from my options. Wow, kmsl.
The thought "Ummm which pants am I wearing? ...I *am* wearing pants, right?" just ran through my head. I'm done. So done.
Just sitting here contemplating the meaning of life.
So you're drunk waiting for the bus.
I had to carry him up the hill while he was wearing nothing but knee high socks and a blue glitter sequin leotard.
Why is this not a picture message?
It's not even a normal fucking affair I've found myself in. It's a fucking bdsm clusterfuck.
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