The two bassists just totally made out. I NEED MENNA'S RIGHT now.
i just remembered that i beat off next to you while we were naked and passed out next to each other after last night... No Homo
I can't believe I'm wasting this thong on a guy in a sweater vest.
The fact that I am sitting home writing a resume while you're out inducing vomiting makes me feel like way more of an adult than I'm ready to be.
just used clorox wipes to give myself a whores bath. hello finals week
im pretty sure this vending machine only exists when im drunk
walking around pouring bird seed on passed out guys in the quad.
She kept crying and asking why I couldn't look more like Dennis quaid.
Come part with me. By you sleep! No fun. Idek feelings Sorry for your life.
As soon as the clock wound down to zero, she declared "HALF-TIME HEAD" and pulled down my pants. After the swallow, she said "BEER CHASER," got me a new one, and asked if she could make me a sandwich. Pretty sure she's lobbying hard for a ring.
I was so drunk at your wedding that Uber is now showing up in my Spotify recent searches.
And god said thou shalt never deny free booze. And it was good.
If you can endure a laser on the butthole, you can endure a wax on the butthole. Those are words to live by.
We saw the mini basketball hoop and unicycle and just knew we had to create a new sport
Drunk minds think alike
Oh please. Preoccupy yourself with my penis.
Randomize
