I'm drunk at a fancy martini bar, wearing jeans, drinking cheap vodka that I brought in my purse. Got thrown out of court for using my cell phone. All in all calling Thursday a success.
He told me his mother taught him that move. What the hell do I say to that?
I still cannot believe I yelled at every guy at the bar "you wanna get in this clam?!"
you're going to have to hot glue me into my dress tonight. there's no way out.
What was she thinking? I'm not in the business of charity fucks anymore.
Why did you make me get in the car with you and then not give me a ride? I woke up in a bar with a blanket on me.
She just told me she thinks she bruised her labia in class
The whorange rubbed off. His white shirt was so gross at the end of the night I told him to frame it.
There is no sno cone on earth better than alone naked time. Side note: text when you all are headed home.
And then she said "wanna make a vine of me twerking on the wall?"
Yes. That was the exact moment of my conscience clicking into instant high alert.
She really has to stop the coke at some point. Won't she run out of money eventually?
Won't she run out of nose eventually?
Signs of a stoner: trying everything in your fridge topped with peanut butter to seek satisfaction.
I appear to have wine on my toes. I am really not clear as to how this happened. I'm gonna have a little lie down.
Are you saying being a wizard and going to hogwarts wouldn't be life changing, believe in magic you fucking muggle
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