Definitely locked eyes with the stripper who gave me a lapdance last night as she walked by me and into the Ann Taylor Loft in Times Square.
His drunk text included an attempt at quoting a Nyquil bottle in MLA format
At what point during this road trip should I let them know I've been drinking in the backseat the whole time and can't take my turn driving?
Where are you? This girl fell on a baby. She is just gone. Please Hurry
I'm hurrying
Dude. She just shit herself.
I just did the math. It is, in fact, cheaper to go out drinking every weekend than it would be for me to pay for a legitimate therapist. What are you doing next Friday night?
Because he's your one night stand I shouldn't feel obligated to extend social media to him
He texted back and said he would hook up if he didn't have a test at 8am. It's really hard to be annoyed by how good of a student he is.
Yeah that sucks. That's why I stick to deadbeat sports management majors.
if i actually get asked out by my dealer what could happen?
i don't know, but it probably involves bathtubs full of weed
Cooked breakfast with his mom this morning...I'm like the housewife of one night stands
Had a dream I beat up niall then madeout with him while snorting coke out of a dragons egg
When i sexted him a pic of my boobs I was worried he was going to notice the dorito crumbs and know I was just eating topless
Just had a serious discussion with my ex-boyfriend about sexy nurse vs. sexy teacher. So score one for friendship I guess.
For both our sake, we've decided to ban watching combat sports before sex
Then James put his arms through the window and grabbed him, like he was Robocop. A nerdy, portly Robocop.
Who is this?
Just found out the last guy I hooked up with is being held in a federal prison under suspicion of stealing 175k.
Randomize
