He shaved off his eyebrows. This is not my life.
Staying in I think. Boyfriend has domesticated me. I'm making eggs naked right now. Also really high.
Just saw a girl duct tape a cigarette back together..I feel like my life is shambles for being present for this
Someone asked me what I was drinking, I was drinking rum, but I was also eating starbursts so i told them "daiquiris"
Someone just got kicked out of the mall for being dressed like a giant cat. I feel like this is in your future.
There's a girl in the bathroom crying about something having to do with cream cheese.
Well that's the first time I've woken up with wet jorts
LOOK AT MY HAIR, DOES THIS LOOK LIKE THE HAIR OF A PERSON WHO HAS HER LIFE TOGETHER?
Weird come down, just saw a woman on the train go to grab something and realised she had terrifying hands. They literally filled me with dread. I don't think I'm ok.
I wish drunk me wasn't so into manscaping. Or at least good at it. Either or really
One of my life goals was never to see an uncircumcised dick. I guess that's out the window now.
like, you weren't just lying there, you were wrapped in what appeared to be the skin of a wolf, chanting doomsday prophecies
THE END IS NEIGH
The night's not a success unless at least 60% of participants wake up with bite marks on their genitals the next morning.
I don't know what kind of parties you go to, but we should hang out more often.
I just heard a crying baby from out my apartment window and yelled SAME
Chaz got drunk and passed out so we superglued a kazoo to his mouth. Listening to him Panic when he woke up was fucking hilarious.
Randomize
