after a month anything with tits is on the radar
im shaking like a drug addict and i almost just shat my pants when i sneezed...no more patron for me
She just said she finds Tyler Perry funny... this is not going to work.
he was like the dessert in the all you can eat man buffet that has become my life.
You don't have to believe me. My vagina knows it happened.
All i really wanna do tonight is get drunk with you and dance on tables. is that too much to ask?
I just remember her dragging me inside in a panic saying we needed mentos and popcorn I have no fucking clue how we ended up asleep in her closet.
Fucked a kid by the name of your hometown tonight... FOR THE WIN.. BF4L
My buddy just got straight up kicked out of the bar on my bday for water boarding people with beer and bar towels
To be honest. I have two poptarts in my jacket pockets. No one knows. I am pro stealth.
He struggled for a second trying to unhook my bra and I said "4/10. Novice."
What are you gunna do with your life today
put it back together
Holy. Shit. I just remembered all the lapdances....
We already gave up cheese, how are we supposed to give up coke?
You ran outside mistaken the snow for sand and started screaming "WHERES TH BEACH"
Randomize
