Yeah I guess I was Pocahontus. If she were a trifling drunk who hung out in her undies, with possible brain damage.
I was so scared, I actually heard my grandmother's voice in my head saying if I get pregnant, then my vagina will fall off. And then I'm going to die.
There are many reasons why he shouldn't come over. And each one is longer than his penis.
Tequila is the liquid version of celery. I lose more calories during tequila drunk and the following sexual activities than I gain by drinking it...
so not only am i rooming with two chicks on the volleyball team, but we just put down the deposit on a hot tub. this is going to be the best summer ever for my dick.
I was so stoned last night I got into an argument with your voicemail message.
She walks around topless and loves making sandwiches. That's how a one-night stand turned intoa relationship
After getting all 4 of my wisdom teeth removed I asked my dentist how much better would I be at head
So I woke up alone in the hotel room clutching a bible to my chest. Explain, please.
Also. I think I just got sentimental over a nude
Literally sucked a dick for ten seconds before I said to myself, this tiny ass penis isn't worth it. My night last night
I think you're literally the first guy to ever pick up a chick from pinterest.
WHAT KIND OF DEALER ONLY WORKS FRI-SUN???
Ours, apparently.
And on a positive note i found a list that i made in 3rd grade titled "what to do if you want a guy to like you"
Im sober enough to understand what people are saying but drunk enough to understand its hilarious
Randomize
