I cockslap morals
it can't be normal that my body odor smells like fries
Im making the walk of shame with half a box of pizza, its like when youre little and you get a goodie bag leaving the party
Also just realized how inappropriate it looks to other drivers to finish bottles of cheap champagne at stoplights
I literally need to be slapped with another cock just to notice it.
He poured all of the vodka into the sweet tea and said that tomorrow it would be called 'surprise drunk.' then we had sex.
Honestly, your dog is in better hands with that homeless guy.
my post shower fart this morning sounded like hulk ripping through a phonebook
Yeah. Just jump him. Naked. Claim his dick for yourself.
Poking every semi-decent guy on Facebook in the hopes that one of them will want to hook up with me tonight. So far all i've accomplished is 5 new poke wars which i will most certainly continue after this weekend.
You were walking away to pee and as you were undoing your belt you looked at me and said "the belt is off. the game is on. Remever that."
She just causally held my limp dick in her hand the entire movie. Her parents were cuddling on the couch too..that brave!
I guess there's no delicate way to say "I'm 90% sure I sucked his dick in the bathroom of the bar."
It's 8 in the morning and you're doing coke and drinking margaritas. First, you have a problem. Second, why didn't you invite me?
We played 2 very competitive games of Jenga and then fucked our brains out... BEST. RELATIONSHIP. EVER.
Randomize
