I'm drinking while my friends build sand castles, now I know how my dad used to feel
Gonna get hammered and start online dating men in prison. But... only the ones who get out within two years.
Girl's gotta have her standards.
that was a gay-test. you passed.
with flying rainbow colors i hope!
He said "I know I'm not gay. I fucked a guy once and didn't like it"
my mom just asked me, concerned, if I swallowed.
i woke up with a wedding ring drawn on my finger...if this was vegas id be worried
He kept screaming "it's so seductive" while he was humping the wall
I should show up to the gym drunk more often. I felt like i really motivated all the fat people.
Her inability to understand the word "moderation" is the achille's heel of an otherwise perfect human
Kid sitting next to me smells like he slept in a dutch oven full of farts. Going to die.
Sitting on an airplane reeking of booze, sex and shame while surrounded by families coming home from Disney. This is not one of my finer moments.
Very excited! Vodka will be shot, dicks will be ridden, and memories made.
YOU KNOW BRAZILIAN BOYS ARE MY WEAKNESS
Sorry you had to clean the sheets with your macro notes
Get your ass back to America. We've got a lot of drugs to do.
Randomize
