im ready to get crazy and take my wig off
I didn't think her British accent was real until I saw how fucked up her teeth were.
Yeah someone just put a trash bag that says "use protection" on the snow penis
These old men are woofing at me..PLEASE HURRY
not to be a dick but do you remember the names of all your friends i made out with after we broke up?
Pushiiing vjews 4 ma daz caik
Lyk hr kuds 4
It's either my own vomit or popcorn butter in my ear right now. Banking on the second one.
We made popcorn last night. So it's both
Miscalculate d the jungle juice, it's actually 10%. Can't taste the diff anyway but my stomcha is warm. Come play pongm.
So... I may have accidentally just sat on a strip of a home waxing kit.. naked... Assistance is definitely needed....
The fabulous human disaster: it is him
Turns out, it's impolite to repeatedly request Seal "Kiss From a Rose" at bars
Oh god it's open bar.
In my life time, I want nothing more than to get a blow job while watching Space Jam.
Today is a good day to get high. It's easy to blame the glazed-over look in my eye on my new contacts
It'd be good to change things up a bit, right now the only public service I'm doing from my apt is hanging out in my underwear with the lights on.
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