Yeah unless I can find some idiot to make love to
I was so drunk i thought Kathy Griffin was funny
just had sex with a midget and didnt wrap it... were totally gonna have a tv show :)
Is it too much to ask that he stop calling me 'titty fuck' in public?
You asked me to be the big spoon, when you passed out on the stairs
He smells so good today
Seriously, back away from the sexual harrasment suit.
She didn't need to know her brother was thrown out of a bar for getting head on the dance floor. You're a shit head.
Absolutely. I could drink and smoke that memory away in a matter of years at my current rate.
You told me you would ride a pig into the night sky screaming, "I wear my sunglasses at night"
my dad pointed to my full beer and said drink up we're leaving now.
can you adopt me?
I was dancing with a blow torch in one hand and a bowl of weed in the other
He ain't mine yet. Gotta have a third date before I pee on him and mark territory.
Oh. Wait. That happened on the second date.
I wanted to waterboard myself with beer, but no one would give me their shirt to do it.
The FEDEX guy just cock blocked me by getting his van stuck in my driveway
gave up morals for lent, so far it's actually been really easy.
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