I just got stood up by an 18 yr old. fmylife.
best part, i was ridiculous and none of them were judging me bc they didn't want my vagina. it was like i was a pretty painting
Not everyone can get ass. Some people are good at building rockets. You’re good at sleeping with many men. It’s an art.
god, a vagina is an amazing trump card
Thank you for holding my vodka while the police let me ride their horse.
the liquor store lady asked about three times if I was sure about buying two fifths of everclear. i told her I wanted to be on cops
we convinced you the moon was a planet...again
Don't remember much from last night, but I recall slipping you the tounge. For that I apologize
6 margaritas later and free shots of tequila, i woke up with a fat lip and they said i blew my nose in a slice of bread
I am downstairs in the bar now having a beer...actually I ordered two beers and placed one across from me in front of an open chair. I did this for appearance sake, so nobody knew I was double fisting all alone. I'm getting hungry now. I'm thinking of ordering two meals just to keep appearances up.
All i know is we had 4 people on a tandum bike, and told the cops we couldnt stop because our momentum was so good.
I wish my bank account would intervene on my life choices.. $200+ in alcohol in 2 weeks and a $40 McDonald's bill is a cry for help.
Actually let's just focus our energy on not getting committed to a psych ward.
I'm not sure. But he has a pet sugar glider. So, points either way
As long as that's not his name for his dick.
I should not have moved in with him. He's got porn stashed everywhere like a homosexual squirrel.
You love porn!
Not in the sugar bowl when I'm making my Mom coffee I don't.
Randomize
