i was puking in the toilet, he walked in and to talk to me and started puking in the sink.. Could this be my perfect man??
he wrote Vegans should suck on cow dick on her wall with permanent marker. thats how he got the black eye
i should start naming my morning wood
great idea but wrong number
Jus posted an album so big that it takes my manhood into question
So many stories. To uyou are sober. I heart you though. Jesus. Dirrty dancing jusyt came oine!!no. Lie.
Sad news: I might have to institute a "once-per-day" policy on getting trashed downtown. Sorry, reputation.
So I realized I'm not completely sober when the automatic toilet flushed and I screamed
Let's just go topless and paint glitter over our nipples who the fuck cares
At this point I will cuddle anything to prevent from dying alone
Here is a brilliant idea passed on from men who have that same regret. WEAR A FUCKING CONDOM ALWAYS.
Most girls get hit on with a $7.00 drink. You get hit on with a $750K plane.
I think if you have sex on the couch it will psychologically damage it.
You put on a bike helmet, yelled "doesn't matter fuck it" then punched a stick the fire
Do the security cameras outside your house capture sound? If so your whole family is going to hear me describe my threesome
What use have I for dignity? It just get's in the way of the really fun stuff.
Randomize
