If you don't sleep with him after showing him your thong with the bow, I am no longer on your side.
he obviously didn't care that i was sleeping and dreaming about ellen degeneres knitting me a christmas sweater.
Ps I don't think it counts as being open minded if you didn't know he was missing a leg until you had already started making out.
she gave me a blowjob during our lunchbreak and expected me not to tell people
At this point, I really just need a sign in sheet for my vagina.
I think I died last night. I had 14 beers..well 13 1/2 if you count the one that got spilled on the baby in the elevator.
I feel like I took a shit on my life and you're rubbing my nose in it.
Apprently after I bit that bouncer, it all went down hill.
I never thought in a million years that I would have a threesome with my boss and his wife and yet here we are.
My new dentist just kinda stared at me when I told him that I used to have partial dentures after breaking 2 teeth while beating the shit out of someone, until I puked them into the toilet and flushed them after getting high and making myself undercooked mac and cheese.
My dog and I just went outside to pee together.
If my body were a person, it would be beating the shit out of me for what I did to it last night.
You were like a drunk and unconscious tickle me elmo.
Maybe for you. You don't have to clean the melted butter off the stove. I LOST THE SPECIAL SEASONINGS.
He ate me out in the passenger seat of his Range Rover in a Tim Hortons parking lot. I could hear “oh canada” on the radio from a nearby school as I came. Most patriotic orgasm ever!
Randomize
