She said as long as i don't wake her up she doesn't care what hole i use.
Got yourself a keeper right there.
so i'm sitting in his room drinking tequila from the bottle and watching harry potter. he's jacking off to some porn a couple feet away from me. at one point i look over and see that he's watching me instead of the porn. please help me figure out how warped it is that i found that romantic
it feels like my vag is blowing bubbles
he came on my stomach and it was 1000 degrees in his car. i smelled awesome.
90 persent of me said don't pee on that fake plant. Buyt i did
In preparation of Wine in the Woods next weekend, today we're hosting Straight Vodka in the Bathtub
I expected to wake up with a sext of you posing nude and all I got was a missed call.....disappointed.
I'm sorry I think it was because I lost a chicken nugget in my purse and that's all that was on my mind until 4am
The party got busted because you two got caught having sex on the neighbors trampoline, come on man.
I donkey kicked that mother fucker. Never stood a chance.
It was a door. A completely inanimate object, of course it didn't stand a chance you idiot.
Hungover, threw up in a cosmetic case in my car this morning. This is real life.
I was so ripped I had a natty light box over my head carrying a spray bottle out in the streets trying to give car washes.
OMG MY DAD TOLD ME HE MIGHT DO TINDER
I don't remember that much at all. But I guess I met this guy from New Zealand and his dog, and then I punched someone in the face.
The Domino's delivery guy is in front of me at The Wendy's drive-through. Hmmm.....
I'm "drunk text both siblings" drunk.
Randomize
