remember that night jesus turned water into wine? DRUNKER.
my mouth smells like i just ate out a crab.
he made transformer sounds every time he changed positions. how do you think it went?
I had to go to the front counter of the restaurant and ask for the key because I was "pretty sure my friend is passed out in the bathroom right now"
Some dude gave me a questioning look as I came out of the women's toilet. I just responded 'blowjob' and he understood, then shook my hand.
So it turns out rose was the bear hunting girl. Fuck my life
None of those words made sense together.
Yes. Yes. Double yes. I'll bring the tits. You bring the frosting.
Carpeing THE FUCK out of that diem
I found your knife. It was stuck in my bedroom ceiling.
so exactly what is concert sex etiquette? Before, during or after???
all of the above
Overslept. So hungover. Apparently texting the first person in my contact list the time I would like to wake up is not how the alarm clock in my phone actually works.
SEXX, SEXX, SEXX,SEXX,SEX SEX SEXXXXXXX SEX SEX SEX SEX SEX SEX SEXSEXSEXSEXSEXSEX SEXSEXSEXSEXSEX.\nimagine that to the can can song. also come to my house. theres a dance routine.
I thought that wasn't a thing ever since she showed you her vag on the dance floor
I took it upon myself to take one shot of tequila to have an excuse for hitting on my not-single coworker. It worked.
I think you threw up on me last night but i can't remember so i'm not mad at you.
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