Girl last night got so wet when I was going on down her it flooded up my nose. I nearly drown
I'm at my inlaws playing Scrabble. Go Fuck Yourself.
Come over! I've just turned Titanic into a drinking game. I drink every time I want to fuck Leonardo DiCaprio.
my underwear are soaked with white zifandel yet i have continued to wear them despite the fact im at home
Some chick in the back of my Psychologhy of Addictions class just did a line off her hand. She tried to make it look subtle.
when you get a chance can you look up 'free abortion clinic' for me? cuz i dont think i'll be lucky enough for a second miscarriage.
when she said she's going upstairs to put her "play clothes" on, I knew either she was a pervert or a kindergarten teacher. Either way, I wasn't going to leave. She's a pervert by the way.
i'm not sure when it happened but apparently now it's topless bar night, im wearing a leotard and everyone is looking at me like i'm cheating.
But I love Penises too much to give up on them. My phone capitalized Penises. It's like it knows I respect them
I just want him to slap me with his dick and call it love
I forgot not everyone drinks wine out of the bottle. My grandma just asked if i needed a glass with a disappointing look.
I should be a dude... Walking a goat on a rope is a total chick magnet.
now that we broke up we are playing hot potato with the cock ring.. Poor thing just needs a home
I slept on her porch...in her dads handcuffs
Dude \nSo embarrassed \nJust sent a snap to my boss john and noticed my vibrator was right beside me
i'm currently watching a guy eat a bunch of cacti and i have lost all faith in humanity
**cactuseses
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