like semen in my mouth is absolutely disgusting but i'd still like to experience it
He offered to drive me out of state to meet up with my fuck buddy. Like best brother in law ever.
Hovering on the line between her being fuckable and me being too drunk to fuck. Life's juggling act in progress here.
somehow he and i always have our deepest conversations after phone sex.
I just got a call from the front desk apparently one of my feiends was dropped off by a handicap bus passed out in a wheel chair unlv is goig down
Did we almost burn down the bar last night? I guess flaming shots were a bad idea.
well, at the moment I'm sleeping in someone's closet in a buzzlightyear snuggie, so I can't judge,
I just realized my new apartment is at the corner of Patrick Henry and Mary Jane.
Give me weed or give me death?
We are gonna have a bake sale and the preceded will go towards the abortion
it'll be like a game of Russian Roulette, but with my vagina.
See, this is why you don't do nice things for people. You'll get stuck in the snow and you won't catch a dick.
Tell me why I woke up with your dads construction shirt on, nothing else, and had jelly donuts with a note from a girl named cathryn that said "we had a kinky night with peanut butter". p.s. Im by the layin by the lawnmower
You just thought it would be a good idea to show your penis to your best friend. No harm, no foul.
Sober sex is weird like I didn't expect this when I got clean
Um. I just realized I still have a beer in my purse from last night. I'm at work. I am so classy.
Randomize
