There is a stranger person in my roommates bed...
Hard rock hotel, wtf why am i still out, im gonna fuk 5 chix 2nite .maybe
Dude, just walked by a homeless guy pissing on the sidewalk while he was screaming at his wang. God, I love this city.
so i walk in and shes blowing her vag with a hair dryer. so i asked what she was doing, she said heating up supper.. come eat ;)
i'm so jealous of you right now.
I just mistook cooking oil for the whiskey that was also on the counter... They're the same colour. That was not a good shot... I need to not drink alone.
Two shots of gin says this is gonna be a sloppy lab write up.
If we're single and alone together, the fuck angels shall sing upon our nude bodies.
Paying for my weed with Mike's hard lemonade freezables. The perks of having a gay dealer
I sent her a picture of Richard Nixon and said "these are the only dick pics I send".
He just ranted to some customer about fourth of July being ruined and I just shouted USA the whole time in the background. It was kinda epic
I ordered more beers for everyone but had to finish them all. I promptly went outside and projectile vomited in the street. Three times.
How can you tell that you're blacked out ?
You can feel it in your nipples.
I still hate everything and everyone around me. Krampus taught me nothing.
Your sister walked upto me in the middle of the hallway and was like get us beer or shes never having sex with you ever again, wtf
Don't ask but i need a priest, a calzone, a litre of gravy, and exactly 7 oreos
And a bag of nachos
Randomize
