You are the one person I know will appreciate this- and I'm aware that its nearly 5 am- but I have 3 words... G spot orgasm. BE JEALOUS
First night home from college and I already forgot that walking around nearly naked with my laptop open to smut porn isn't acceptable. Sorry, mom.
yeah seriously, fuck school. I'm changing my master's thesis question from "what are the neuropsychological correlates of antisocial personality" to "will my cat drink this beer"
Then he told me I had the most beautiful looking vulva
I told you not to have sex with her on my futon
I didnt dude, i swear!
either that or you were eating mayo, which was the second thing i told you not to do on my futon
He choked me out. i woke up to poo. I dont think i like S&M
He wouldn't let me go down on him. He stopped me and told me he was a giver.
I feel like everything I touch in this bar I'm gonna get hepatitis. my kinda joint
I remember desperately screaming that I love my life and running in zig zags all the way home
You couldn't remember her number so you tried to dial her name into your phone. Once you realized you didn't know her name, you dialed 7 random numbers
Is there a polite/non-lush way to ask how alcohol ranks on their list of priorities? Because like idk how to break the ice furreal.
What's with guys asking if I wanna "kick it" like I'm some fucking 19 year old
We're at an agreement where I don't pry and she pretends blissful ignorance
I woke up spooning with two strangers on Saturday morning... I felt like a sexual sandwich
Why is the toilet broken? Why did I wake up naked in the shower, hugging a bath mat? WHY IS THE TOILET BROKEN?
Is it just clogged or something?
No! There are actual chunks of toilet on the floor.
Randomize
