Pls tell me she didnt actually sign a nutsack.
At what point did I eat out of your mouth?
so the time management class we had to take for work seems to be working. I just beat off instead of waiting for gf to get home bc it fit my schedule better.
I got you a housewarming gift. It starts with "A" and ends with "bottle of Jameson"
He just yelled in the bar, "So I stuck it in two girls butts, why are you bringing that up now?"
She didn't even ask about the dinosaur pinata in my trunk. Like at this point I think these are the things she expects from me
have the fact that the early bird is danced upon by the prettiest strippers be your motivation
You passed out while holding my hair during a blow job.. i think your gona have to earn back blow jobs
Can we go out and do something semi fancy soon? I feel like wearing a dress and pretending to be an adult.
If you go to Tinseltown tonight. First bathroom on the left, second stall. Avoid. It's still coming to terms with what I did to it.
I'm permanently fucked. Every liquid I put into my mouth automatically tastes like fireball.
found a thong and $20 in my right pocket. it's going to be a good day
how am i in montreal? thats like a 3 hour train ride. i remember nothing.
Just sold my panties for 40 bucks to some rando dude at the gay bar. I think I found a way to fund next years spring break trip. Hello cancun!
Have you actually looked at the corn flakes box? I don't think the rooster has a soul.
Randomize
