I just wanted to draw pictures of limp wieners on peoples doors and smash pictures of palm trees. That's it.
I wouldnt endorse that guy if he was walking in a walkathon to raise money for a disease i had
so apparently mom and dad slept together on the first date
i guess it runs in the family.
I like how you try to look sexy and just end up looking like a weird boy.
Clearly he doesn't understand my need to be surrounded by cats at all times
It's one of the many facets of my drunken alter egos. I'm like substance abuse batman.
If she were to ever cheat on her husband, I'm positive I'm the the go to guy. Which flatters me and weirds me out at the same time.
He did plead exhaustion. And I made him push through it. I am like the motherfucking badass football coach of sex.
I'm pretty sure blacking out is a coping mechanism.
His fucking was so lame I considered painting my nails during...
While looking for an apartment, I've realized that the way I rate balconies is on the "how easy would it be to smoke weed here" scale.
What other scale is there?
I feel like I'm going to get the reputation of being the girl who brings her dog with her to all her random hookups.
Only thig bad about that muscular chick from the gym is she liked it so rough I had to bust out a few wrestling moves from highschool
There's a potato with a bite taken out of it in the kitchen
He surprised me with a puppy tail butt plug in his ass and wants me to fuck him
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