Just woke up wearing a top hat and simpsons boxers. i also found more money in my wallet then what i had before going out, about $1000 more
Why are there hot girls at the dollar store?
The recession has changed everything man.
In my 8 am class there was a pack of birth control on the board with a note saying, "Some dude somewhere is unhappy."
Ive given up on my natural charms. Im trying different accents till some girl wants to hook up with me.
don't think this is any sort of attachment thing but if I'm going to throw up regularly at your house, I'm going to keep a tooth brush there
Tonights theme there is the 7 deadly sins. Greed, envy, sloth, gluttony, sluttiness, fellatio and vodka.
I mean besides the fact someone got stabbed, I still had a pretty good night.
She lost her glasses and we found them on the roof. Don't ask questions. Kings cup was intense last night.
You're an asshole. I don't want your dick as my background. I'll look like I have a thumb fetish.
Your heart is a swirling cauldron of blackness that does not pump blood but rather a sludgey mixture of evil and broken dreams.
whose parrot is this?
Trying to put a fitted sheet on drunk is one of the boss levels of slutty adulthood.
I taught a straight girl about grindr today. She showed me tinder. It was like some sexual cultural exchange program
I needed to bring way more fireball to class to match this professors intensity
No alcohol sales on Election Day. WTF? Today, of all days, I need to be splurged to to vote for any of these morons running for president.
Randomize
