the third sister isn't as attractive as the other two but I will do her anyway to finally pull off the fabled family hat trick.
I understand Curling. That high.
you wouldn't come out from under your bed because you said there were six-armed bears everywhere.
ohhh that explains the pepperonis I found in my sock drawer this morning...
no it doesn't.
Ryan learned the all important lesson tonight; Red Bull gives you wings, Jaeger gives you gravity.
We're at the urgent care down the street from you if you care to stop by
wine lets you be on time to class apparently
This is a dangerous realization
you missed an awesome concert last night. some middle aged woman that was grinding on me kept trying to stick her hand down my pants. i ended up rewarding her tenacity by letting her hold onto it for a song, i think it made her night.
Do you ever wonder what the men who we shamelessly objectify would think if they saw our texts in regard to them?
I found my keys in the basement freezer. Drunk me is a sneaky little bastard.
1. My arms are cement 2. I wish dogs could answer the phone
That amount of times your family has seen my boobs is getting ridiculous.
I miss the days where our biggest worries were who was gonna win battle shits.
How are you feeling?
I mean, shattered dignity aside, not bad.
My god imagine how much cum is in that astroturf
So the vodka/tequila mix went down fine but the burp made me cry
We made a blanket fort in my dorm room and fucked in it. Twice. I'm in love.
Randomize
