Who knew there were guys that wanted to only stalk you instead of date you? Count on me to find them!
marching band practice is quite the interesting soundtrack to sex
there's a girl in the library on mysapce. she must have missed the memo.
My roommate just called. He's in Miami and has no idea how he got there. He also has a ticket to Buenos Aires that he can't explain. I figured you'd have the explanation.
So the girl in front of me was buying champagne too .. I wanted to be like "so are you celebrating clean test results too?"
Theres dried jager, barbecue sauce and frie remnants all over my front seat.
Just remembered getting lost in a "shortcut" through yards and GPSing my way home last night
E drugging s springing. Ease dnt Kate. To t e. ess e I meant thou.
No longer allowed at circus circus apparently fuvking in the elevator is frowned upon.
I have 4 passes to the spa here, walking around with a robe on and putting cucumber slices on my penis. You guys should come hang out here. It's very relaxing
It's sad that I'm more proud of my Twitter account then my resume
Not all of us can be into hot dads. Some of us have to have commitment issues and be into musicians.
Why are there 17 orders of shrimp lo mein in the bathtub?
She started waving a nerf rifle around and demanding free booze.
I learned tonight while in another country that no matter the nationality, men are disappointing in bed
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