Good luck man
I dont need it. Shes easy.
This girl looks like a mixture of kathy griffin and bill walton. i havent decided if that is a good thing.
The toilet started ringing, I think I just found your phone.
We glued Jenga blocks together, called it "magic blocks" and sold it to the stoners for $50 and a bottle of Henny
Too many sundays start with me waking up still drunk in my car.
I just stole a conducting baton from the chicago symphony orchestra... i have to stop drinking on weeknights
I don't want a baby! I JUST WANT AN ORGASM THAT ISN'T SELF INFLICTED.
Apparently there was a black out and the security alarms went off except I was convinced it was the microwaves and made ben unplug them all then got really frustrated cos he wasnt doing it right
And then she said "welcome homeeeee!!!" As she got off. Best thing about being back from Afghanistan
FUCK YOU VODKA I'M TRYING TO ADULT RIGHT NOW
Thanks for having me over last night. Sorry I licked rum off your kitchen floor.
Taking a walk while tripping face during Halloween time was a bad idea. I started crying bc I was so scared and hide in the parks playground.
I’m appalled by how severely I lower my standards when I’m horny & impaired
party at the soccer house. crumbs in my sexy panties. can't. put. pieces. together.
Totally unrelated, but by the way I DO have one ball bigger than the other.
Randomize
