She was sleeping without a shirt so I thought I wouldI sneaked a peek at her nipples..than I realized they were just warts...on her back.
also I just used a straw to drink the juice out of a tomato b/c I forgot how to bite.
btw found the cat. he didn't appreciate the toilet bath.
Sorry 4 leaving u in the dumpster last night
Under someone's bed. Not sure whose. I think they're sleeping in it.
The yard is growling at me WHAT DID U GIVE ME?
We should bet how many people are going to get alcohol poisoning next weekend and whoever wins gets a free Starbucks.
"I wasn't planning on buying a chicken, but I bought it anyway." --some guy on the bus with a chicken
"Yeah, I only have nine toes." --that same guy
Bunch of Navy warships just sailed into New York Harbor for Fleet Week. Nobodys getting laid this weekend.
You should photoshop their heads on tigers first!!
For my parents' annivery card? How high are you?
Just saw a guy with two baby turtles sneaking into the building
doctors was a success... no liver damage and I lost five pounds.. we're celebrating tonight you get the whiskey I'll get the burritos.
I think we've gotten passed awkward... the day I woke up at the palms and ur getting eaten out by the dude who just fucked me on the balcony.
Dude, who WASN'T thinking of motorboating her?
His sister hates me so I took his virginity on her bed
Randomize
