So I said to her: one time i broke my dick and when they took off the cast i could cum across a baseball field
i literally forgot his name and just started calling him "waffles"
oral is when you put your mouth on someones privates and play moterboat or popsicle
You thought that the "chillable" logo on the box wine was referring to a city in italy.
girl next to me is signing up for tough love. definitely getting laid.
He just helps fat girls get exercise. One walk of shame at a time.
FYI I just found your friend. Asleep. In. My. Kayak. In. Pool.
Minus the pink eye. Do I look fuckable tonight?
Seriously, it sounds like someone is torturing a dozen cats inside a Japanese techno club while a jamaican yells random hipster words through a megaphone.
In my defense, last night's hookup turned out to be my actual girlfriend. That's gotta count for something, right?
Got to the gym, getting changed, found a jello shot in my shoes.
Wow my largely unnecessary pool of lizard-related knowledge finally came in handy. Are you proud?
I don't know what to say
Is it too early in the day to be getting dressed for the strip club?
Family acid trip. They're welcoming me into the family.
What. The. Fuck.
Family acid trip.
The first thing he said was that my underwear smelled like Trix but then he looked up at me and whispered "Silly rabbit, vagina is for me."
Randomize
