make sure you eat your skittles last so when you barf you can barf RAINBOWS.
I'm glad you enjoy my eating disorder so much.
Scott woke me up by cracking a beer open in my face. Best friends are awesome.
Question: Would it be wrong to just fuck both of them and decide who to date one performance of their cocks?
There is a different car in my driveway. Have no clue how I got home.
I think the taxi driver just requested me on facebook..... his name was george right?
well let's see. after you forcefully shoved a half-eaten apple in my mouth, you ruined the pepsi by dumping an entire beer in there.
She's the second Ashley to meet and blow me in the same night. Sensing a trend.
Sincerely would love to tap that, on a mountain with the wind blowing on your pubes .
You gotta hand it to him. 6 hours in a new town and he's already fuck someone, had his ass kick by her bf, and rounded up a posse of people to kick this guys ass.
She picked me up from the bar in her underwear.
Your ex roommate is making out w the kid who pees on floors and it's kinda funny
I love you more than sex with randoms.... and we all know how much I love that shit.
i passed out in front of ihop...for the second night in a row. i think i need to reevaluate my life choices
You'd think that a rotation of two 30 year old men could keep me satisfied... WHY ISN'T THERE A MAN THAT CAN KEEP UP WITH MY HEALTHY SEXUAL APPETITE?!
I woke up with eight different shoes in my bed what the hell happened last night
Randomize
