He left the bathroom door open so i would hear him masturbate in the shower to make me feel guilty for not putting out but it just turned me on cause i like guys masturbating. weird?
We were walking home when he passed out, we left him. Just got a call from him, hes in a jail in Canada.
Dude, she brought over peach cobbler, weed and alcohol plus I'm gonna get laid. She's by far the coolest sister you have.
Everybody in the immediate area is hooking up like it's doomsday
WHY AM I NOT THERE?
He's just so adorable. And I don't want to fuck someone who's adorable.
Side note... I would pay good money to have witnessed the reaction of onlookers as I sprinted down Armtiage with a 15 lb bag of peanuts under my arm
you walked onto the street in the middle of the 10K in your thong. it was a whole new kind of expirience.
well i mean, we just followed them into an alien and astronaut party. there was tin foil everywhere
Yeah if I don't text back. I'm eating. sleeping. Or lifting. Or drinking. Or playing call of duty. Like shit man
Did you know that pizza hut has a wedding proposal box? And sorry for being kinda drunk yesterday when you got here
A German guy asked me to take a bath with him. I can't tell if he's just an eccentric European or a run of the mill creep.
I mean, I'm not upset that HE's getting married, I'm upset his penis has to go through with it by default
While the cops were busting my party one of them said. O you have an Xbox? Do you play online? Whats your gamertag?....
Gameplan: If the cops show up, find a potted plant to hide behind... It's worked before!
It's done, I'm done, goodbye veneer of class and dignity it was nice knowing you
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