Black Friday shoppers are ridiculous. I think I just watched a marriage end.
High as balls & about to be tanning. Helloooo 15 minute vacay.
I had to throw up. it was the only way to avoid kissing her after she swallowed..
I feel like today should be a " im going to have sex with you cause its raining and theres nothing else to do" kinda day
I should have taken pre-gaming this lunch date more seriously.
Wat the fuck dude ketchup in my bong???
She swung at the pinata with crutches
threw up in the kitchen showroom. home depot employee of the month.
He was wearing a tux and a big sombrero so it automatically made the flute he was playing totally cool
Last time we talked he was trying to sext me but he was including pictures of fruit
They shouted last call and the guy next to me and I looked each other up and down and went in unison "yup, you'll do"
You stole a fry from a complete stranger. He wasn't happy. Then you said fuck it and stole the whole poutine and ran down the street while he stared in shock.
It's like the bat signal. He only texts me when I'm naked.
What the World Series means to me is that I've slept with too many giants fans.
I mean the power was out what was I supposed to do
Randomize