Twist it, pull it, flick it... Bop it was like the first time I touched myself.
no, i will not be your spotter when you masturbate with a noose around your neck
I just realized last night I drunk-bought a flight to Florida for this weekend...kinda torn between the price and the potential of awesomeness
We should make a goal to do one active thing a day, even if its like throwing a ball
And by ball i mean playing catch. Beer pong does not count as an activity
Getting business cards printed for tonight. Would you rather be: 1. Vice President of Argentina 2. Celebrity Dental Assistant or 3. Dial-Up Internet Technician
3. Dial-Up Internet Technician.
bad sex. bad bad bad. it was like trying to pick up an overcooked noodle with an empty pringles can. why do these guys always seem to find me?
So it took me 20 minutes to figure out that this is the wrong blind date. I'm going to go with it, he's cute and at least it's free beer.
MY BRAIN IS OSCILLATING. DOES THAT EVEN MAKE SENSE
We just had sex on an abandoned logging road while wearing snow shoes. God bless Montana boys.
You used a fucking bud light like as lube last night. I'd get a UTI test like stat.
Dude she literally licked him. He was covered in cheese and in her high state what else was she gonna do?
You seem like the type to go to a craft sale baked out of your mind. I like you.
So I have three weeks to get rid of his girlfriend and fuck him senseless before he goes to jail
Went to the party dressed like a Cougar and brought a twenty something dressed as Micheal Phelps home. So far I’m loving being divorced. :-)
Have you actually looked at the corn flakes box? I don't think the rooster has a soul.
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