I've decided to only have meaningless sex from now on.
And what brought this epiphany?
I've decided it's a lot easier to have dirty amazing sex with someone when you don't care about the other person or what they think of you. I'm going to test this theory soon. Will update you later
He made me pinky-promise that he gave me an orgasm.
Party in the USA is so catchy!
Yea, so is AIDS.
You guys tried to boil water to fill up the empty hot tub. After the fourth trip back with the kettle you gave up.
My life has only gotten better since they built a playground behind the bar
If i want her back i know all i have to do is sleep with a specific handful of her closest friends. That method is tried and true.
Are we sharing a room, or can I pack my vibrator?
Yes to both. We'll use the workout rotation from dorm life.
I'm smoking a bowl with matches and a candle while my mother washes dishes downstairs. I thought adulthood was supposed to be different.
Is biking from my house to 6th street for liquor pitchers a good idea or a bad idea
He tried to do the do on me last night and my exact words were "stay away from my princess parts. they're renovating."
tinder day one and i already had more guys message me about "the girl with the big tits in my second picture" than about me. MY 17 YEAR OLD SISTER CAN GET LAID WITHOUT EVEN HAVING TO MAKING A PROFILE
to be fair she does have a great rack
You kicked my dad IN THE NUTS right when he walked in.
Sorry, man. Thought he was a cop.
I just want you to know you're the worst sister ever.
If this is about me and your ex, it's not my fault she doesn't like men.
uh...sober saturday NEVER has a good ring to it.
Now, I know I say this a lot, but you've obviously never seen my penis.
Randomize
