Dude my mom stole all your condoms
I just made a milkshake without a blender... thats determination
Isn't that the only thing she's good at? Complaining and blow jobs?
Peed in a sink tonight. That drunk. I'm not proud of myself for what I did. But to carry it out with such class. I should be awarded
We would be rich. And the whole world would be stoned.
If I come back tomorrow to find a certain football player tied up and locked in your closet, shit's gonna get real.
I'll set him free tomorrow morning ;)
Guess I'll put him on my to-do list too. But closer to the bottom since we dated before. That's almost unethical.
Also, do you think i could get away with finishing my vodka cranberry from last night at work if i put orange juice in it? Serious question.
moral of the story: if your going to mix ambien and free skyclub alcohol, take a direct flight or have a layover in a city you wouldn't mind having to return to for a court date.
A homeless man just offered me vodka. The power it took to deny it deserves an award.
He fucked me in one of the back rooms at the club then gave me an altoid. I have mixed feelings about it still.
We woke up today with 24 donuts, a tie, two jugs of vodka that we traded an extra sandwich for, and a british boy
This will never work. His dick is smaller than mine.
Wow. And yours is kind of small.
RIGHT?
Good morning! Spongebob is on channel 257 when you wake up. Help yourself to breakfast. You were great last night. See you when I get back.
I brought my porn computer to class by accident
How much porn do you watch if you need a special computer?
Randomize
