I'm playing the sound guy on a porno set
Most awkward thing ever: Meeting your BattleShits opponent post war.
I got a chicken sandwich and a frosty out of her. Better then having sex
Two kids are drinking pounders in class. I think I'm hanging out with the wrong group of friends.
just spent about 3 1/2 hours looking for a dollar so I can buy weed.
suggestion: become a stripper.
Trick or treaters just rang our doorbell
Give them the moldy beer cans, we need to get rid of those
She keeps asking if I've seen him... For the last time YES... IN MY BED LAST FRIDAY NIGHT AND THEN AGAIN SATURDAY MORNING
I just did something so unspeakable in the panera bathroom that their health score dropped 10 points.
I feel like telling him your vigina was older than him was not a good pick up line.
Her family was right next to mine during christmas eve mass. Between the terrifying glares and her trying to set my sleeve on fire during the candle part I am VERY sure she knows im fucking her ex...
This guy is clearly nuts his idea of a hangover cure is a six pack poured into a camelpack then hiking 3 miles with a weighted vest. He said "learned it in the army i guess drink beer beat the heat"
Can I use your baby to go shoplifting?
I think one of your friend's offered my friend chicken tenders back at his place...just FYI he should probably come up w/ another line
Irony: drinking your pre workout supplement out of the cup your Krispy Kreme doughnut holes came in.
My brain is a dvd screensaver and I'm allowed to have a good thought when it hits the corner
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