i am not allowed to pick the men i sleep with anymore
Just woke up bloody and clutching a rear view mirror I'm pretty sure is from my car. For those of you keeping score at home this is why I stopped drinking four loko.
Is it possible to get a DUI in a wheelchair that's not yours?
Even her dad came up for the body shots. Wasn't sure what to do so I just laid there and let it happen...
I gave up on alcohol forever for like 2 hours, that's got to be a new record
Mid stroke she told me she'd had bigger. Replied I could tell. Sex ended right at that moment.
the other day i was so high i found pages and pages of pictures of HD hamburgers and patriotic music. bong rips for merica.
Just remembered when I first started going down on him he goes "ok now I feel a little better about the broncos losing"
I just sneezed glitter I JUST SNEEZED G LITTER I j u st SneeZED GLIT TER I DO NOT HAVE TIME FOR THIS AT ALL.
Fuck I forgot the furry convention was this weekend and now I'm downtown. Way too high for this shit.
I'm in my onesie attempting to spoon-feed myself cold soup. I'm playing freeze tag with my hangover. My hangover's winning.
HOW DID I LET MYSELF GET SUCKED IN HE HAS A PENIS FOR PETE'S SAKE.
ya I had reallllllly good sex last night too that will probably get me evicted
just had sex in the back of my high school auditorium #dreamcumtrue
never let me tell the bartender to cut me off, i basically told on myself
Randomize
