That cute girl I hooked up with last night clawed my back to hell and gave me a hickey. I look like a white trash warewolf victim
The night ended with a lot of tears and everyone singing along to Willenium
I'm at the casino and some dude apparently has money in an entire row of slot machines. Its like watching a really intense adult version of wack a mole
My boyfriend just sent me flowers. I am now crying at the fact i fucked my fat neighbor. God please help me.
Thats not how it works. You get the Rachel, and then Rachel kicks you out. Don't linger or try to cuddle, its just pathetic and makes me look down on you and your penis
This little shit keeps eating the playdoh so i replaced the green with wasabi from work. Wonder what his parents are gonna think when he burns his soft palette?
I think we need to teach you what straight means again
Remember that picture you sent me of you trying to eat the flower arrangement in the bathroom at that restaurant?
I screamed so bad because I thought he was going for my sandwich forgetting it was in my hand
Remind me never to smoke before babysitting again. Ate an entire bottle of children's gummy vitamins.... not an easy thing to explain to parents.
I asked him to sing a song so he couldn't hear me throwing up as he was holding my hair
I wish I were single again so I could actually have sex.
Dude I had sex with her and she STILL thinks I'm gay. I don't know what else to do.
looked it up online and zoo tickets are only 20 bucks and there's also a museum of science close to the hotel.
i'm not going to a FUCKING museum. i want to be wasted and possibly double penetrated... have you EVER been on vacation?
what happened last night?
we watched you eat an entire bag of dorritos in the pouring rain... you refused to come inside
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