Most awkward thing ever just happened. I was reaching in my purse to get something and a condom fell out into the woman's lap next to me. At least she knows I'm safe.
I want to make Jon&Kate babies with him. Not in quantity, but in percentage asian.
having sex with him was like banging macgyver. he did the most amazing shit with the simplest things
I'm returning our mountain of beer cans, while wearing a Budweiser sweatshirt. i don't look like an alcoholic.
I understand why you refuse to be sober now
He wore homemade jorts on our first date. I'm not sure if I should leave now or embrace the white trash lust and marry him
He came up there while i was bartending, ate a salad, told me he wanted to divorce me, then tipped me 10 dollars....
Did you write "I hope this gives you aids" on my box of capn crunch?
I got kicked out of a mexican restaurant last night for being too drunk. This is getting dangerously close to rock bottom
Some guy just stopped me in the bar and asked if I had a shot named after me at another bar called God damn my VaJana hurts? He already knew my name was Jana so I couldn't deny it!
he brought me knee pads...is that sweet or weird?
another part of my inner child died when i emptied my crayon bank for dollar beer night.
We fed him just...so many bright colored crayons when he was blacked out. I hope he looks at his shits because this could be all for nothing
Just had hot animal sex with the guy who had been sending me 10 second selfie snapchats for the past month
I just woke up naked next to a GetGo sandwich and I can hear my cats are eating my combos. So that's my life.
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