shes hot in the i'd deny it if anyone asked kinda way
i hope kanye doesn't show up to patrick swayze's funeral. " i'll let you get back to your funeral in a minute...but michael jackson had the best death of the year. just sayinnn ".
I literally ate my thanksgiving dinner while getting a lapdance. And honestly, after that, there is no other way.
i'm not going because i feel like it's just gunna be a "this is your life" who i banged this years addition
i just lost my virginity over my 3 hour lunch break..
u hav a 3 hour lunch break?!
i like how the length of my lunch break is the thing that phases u
I DON'T CARE WHAT THE CIRCUMSTANCES ARE NEVER VOMIT IN MY PURSE AGAIN.
Side note: I think I fell asleep holding a cereal box
he tried to convince me he was a seal.. sound effects included. and then asked me to 'be his lady seal'.
He just lit his joint with the tiki torches around his pool. He is definitely coming to my future parties
Want to come over and rub aloe on my tits?
I will never understand why the dress to get laid party is always scheduled to be during family weekend. Its not even ironically funny.
Really? I thought your parents stopped loving you when you drunkenly fell through the ceiling...
I just put on my phone calendar to remind me of my final child support payment in 2029
His acid is intense dude. I was just over at his place laughing about the hole in the wall I was convinced was a cat
bonus check + party bus = big hot mess
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