i can juggle bunnies
cool
on fire
Just spun two beer bottles and Placed them in my pockets perfect... I feel like the clint eastwood of drunks
i DID NOT walk around with my knees bent and my hands behind my back with long spandex and underarmour pretending to be Apollo Ono
Tried to eat a sandwich this morning. Couldn't. My jaw is locked up. These marathon blow jobs are killing me
I AM AT THE LOUNGE WHERE THEY FILMED THE LAP DANCE IN SHOWGIRLS....IT IS AMAZING
My day in three words: secret purse cake
I just tinder matched with a blue angels pilot. I need to make out with him. For America.
I can't believe i lost my ID... bringing my birth certificate to the club was a weird experience
He's 5'2" and his dick 4'8"
NO HE PUT HIS HAND IN HIS PANTS BEFORE HE TOUCHED THE BONG.
ILLEGAL
I swear to God if you fuck my cousin I will fuck your dad.
I think you're overestimating how drunk I was
You said your pillow felt like the ocean...
If he thinks I'm canceling my orgy to coddle his stupid fucking behavior, he has another thing coming
I discovered moonshine and fell in love.
hopefully I won't be diving through a thorn bush to escape an explosion this time
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