aaaannd alcoholism beats pride. it's like grown-up rock, paper, scissors
I know I said that I'd stop dating 20 year olds... but at least this one's not my student...
How can I look at her with a straight face when she has dry puke on her eye lid
You destroyed the landscape if my vagina FOREVER.
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Do I have a choice?
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I mean you guys are my friends and all but if you fuck with me I will not hesitate to set you on fire
pretty sure the dicks i sucked were punishment enough
REALLY should have cleaned under my bed before I had my parents come help me pack...things my parents just found: several condoms and a bottle of lube. My mom when she found a condom: "ooo ribbed. Laura's a lucky girl"
Because her vagina is one of those illusive black holes that leads to a parallel universe where he is king and the sea is made of beer! That is why they are together!
Please just fuck her. She's new to LA and doesn't know anyone nice.
I found all these half eaten mandarin orange on the ground and the bruises on my neck are definetely not hickies
Maybe is for pussies. We only say yes in this household
There are days when you go to throw something in your bedroom trash can and realize the only things in there are a used condom, a Lime-arita can and a muffin wrapper.
We had a threesome and he gave us bottle rockets and a lamp for our apartment
Well I had to use a seat cushion at Soul Cycle today so, yeah, I'd say the sex was good
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